How I forgave the first manipulator

And now I had to deal with those two manipulators, which on Ekadashi, September 16, held two manipulations of my mind, causing me a derogatory feelings and an inferiority complex and not adding me pleasant emotions. And since I said I'd make them, it was their turn.

When the Pitru Paksha was coming to an end and the time of the Shepherd's liberation was approaching, I was given a teacher of Shri Ram to use his body for a successful the striking out the Shepherd. And in order to I guessed about existence of this teacher and decided to have done away with him, the situation with manipulation of my consciousness was arranged. This is when on September 16, at Ekadashi during Pitru Paksha, two asuras decided to use their abilities and cause me a strong inferiority complex, derogatory thoughts and a desire to leave Shri Ram. It was two consecutive manipulations of my mind.

In General, into my mind were thrown thoughts that if Shri Ram was squeezing me out of his space and did all sorts of bad things with me, then he doesn't want to be with me, that I stuck to him, I clung to him, as woman to a man, although he does not need it in principle, and even disgusting. And I agreed with these thoughts. I think the same thing. And the first minutes of this manipulation I was sure that these thoughts are mine, but then I realized that it was an influence on me from outside, that someone forced me to think so, that in fact it's just a competent manipulation of consciousness. Thin, elegant manipulation of consciousness, which plunged me in very sad thoughts about myself that I do not respect myself and so on.

But then I remembered that Krishna had given me a lot of signs long before all this, even by text, to be with Shri Ram, no matter what. And I thought that Krishna knew in advance that there would be attempts to drop me away from Shri Ram, but this is not part of my plan, because I need crossed off more asuras, and for that I need to be with Shri Ram. And I was born just to give him a chance. How can I give him a chance if I myself will stop everything ahead of time? No, I have to need to sit still and wait for the result. And if it will be negative, then this is also the result. I'm not this body. I am spiritual soul. I was living many lives here in the material world, I many lives were with my Shri Ram, and then he was made asur and we were scattered in the expanses of the material world.

And then I saw a real chance to return into the spiritual world because of Srila Prabhupada's coming to Earth and I decided before that to appear to my eternal husband, Shri Ram, so that he would know about my existence and make a firm decision for himself where to go. And what does it mean a little life and small torments because of your insignificance compared to the purpose of this birth? You just have to wait for the result. And for this you do not need to make unnecessary movements, you just have to wait.

And I decided that even though I agree with those manipulators, they are completely right, from the usual point of view, I do not respect myself, I am a masochist, I clung to Shri Ram and do not move anywhere, although he also does not move from the place, but they are not right, I said. I'm woman, and they're the men, and they manipulated my mind. They deliberately were spoiling the mood of me, a woman. And this is very risky for them. My mood is the most important thing for me, as it affects my life and the lives of my children, and a lot of things.

And then I decided to deal with those manipulators. But first I sent teacher of Shri Ram somewhere far away, where, as I was then told, he would be a great very good teacher, and then I sent a Shepherd. And then I canceled all the promises that Shri Ram made to someone there. And now I have free time and attention to these manipulators. I had already decided to expunge them, but I suddenly felt such apathy on me, such indifference that I simply did not want to do it.

I did not want to look at my inner screen again, to tune in to them and do something with them. But on my table among a heap of my work tools the glass toy a fox suddenly stood behind the king (from «Kinder Surprise», collection «Bremen town musicians»). I have worked and watched this fox propping up behind king and it occurred to me that my apathy, my reluctance expunge the manipulators are not without reason. I thought it was their influence on me, so I forgot about them, thought that let them live as they want, I do not need them.

But I was in the news feed in VKontakte came out post with the words of Srila Prabhupada, that we will be firm, not like soft-bodied women, and I felt reproach, they say, I'm such a soft-bodied woman, first said that I would deal with them, and then relaxed and did not expunge them. These words of Srila Prabhupada were in my mind, and I said I will have done away with them, those manipulators.

Then I went to my friend, we drank coffee with her, chatted about this and that, and I started talking about my past. I remembered how I naively and trustfully entered into a relationship, without having any guarantees and real protection, as I simply screw up, stupid goose. A friend said that she would not have thought to enter into such a relationship without getting first the full rights and taking matters into her own hands, but I entered and not only entered, but also gave birth to children... From this conversation I have very much spoiled the mood, I thought I don't respect myself at all, I'm a goof.

I began to think about myself that all people as people, know their benefits, do nothing without gain, and if you do, then calculate everything, and I'm a naive fool, a clever fool. Smart, straight-a student, but totally unfit for life. I trust everyone. All my friends of the proofreader take an advance payment before you start doing something with the text, and I'm a fool, am sitting on a postpaid, and even there were such cases that I was sent a payment a year after the implementation of work. It is necessary to have at least some brains, it is necessary to understand that here is the material world, here you cannot blindly trust everyone.

But I trust. I have this style of work — on trust. And even when I many times was born to eliminating asuras or someone else, I do trusted, and only when they abused my trust and hurt me, only then I turned on the function of destroying the Universe level criminals and I grind them into powder, brutally, ruthlessly and irrevocably. This is my style and method of work. And that's the mood I fell into. My friend all repeated that it is necessary to let go and forgive…

Then I went to the pharmacy, where I was given the advertisement medicine Suprastin («супрастин» in Russian). I looked at it and thought: Suprastin = Su + prastin (супрастин = су + прастин = су + прасти). «Су» means in Russian «together», «прости» means in Russian “forgive” (it is written in Russian “прасти”, but the word «прости», “forgive”, sounds in Russian in the same way: “прасти”). And I thought, I urgently need to forgive these manipulators, at this disgusting mood, and preferably soon, and preferably both of them to forgive, because «su» is «together», «both». And I thought: how will I forgive them? And when I was driving home from my friend on the bus, I decided: so, at the moment I will forgive the first manipulator. I stuck, as always, headphones in my ears, turned on the Narasimha Maha Mantra and began to forgive him.

At first, I was burning him well with the Narasimha Maha Mantra, and then turned on the kirtan performed by Sri Prahlada and drove through inside his inner tube to the beat of the kirtan by some stick. I thought I should forgive him, but how can I forgive him? I took a red-hot brand, like for branding of horses, with the fiery letters «HARE KRISHNA» on it, put it onto the heart of this manipulator and burn through it with this brand, sinking it into the heart. Then I have expanded this brand on all his body from within on all length and long so held, and then put this red-hot brand to his forehead and printed at his forehead the word «SLAVE». And when this word was well imprinted on his forehead, I said to him, «You are my slave».

I look: he suddenly turned into a dog, he was sitting at the bottom, wagging his tail ring and whines like a dog. I told him: «Sit». He sat down. I said, «Stop! Don’t do that!» I see: he crawled down scared. I told him: «Attack, get 'em! Bite! Tear them up! Tear them!» I thought that he would tear those who are against me, and I gave him the command to tear them, to the last drop of blood and even more. I see: he's running off somewhere. I relaxed, I'm going by bus, listening kirtan. I arrived, went to the store, long ago forgot about this dog, whom I said «Attack, get 'em. Bite!» Suddenly I feel: I forgive him.

I look: this dog jumped up to me (at my inner screen, of course), and I saw that he was there for my sake at them tore all throats, and he's around me running, running, and I have absolutely forgiven him. I'm stroking his canine fur and tell him, «You're so good, you're my protector». I to this manipulator who became my dog began to cry, complain: «I am afraid of all of them. They're all so terrible. I'm afraid them. You are my protector. Please, protect me. Only you can protect me. Just you».

I remembered how Milady in the «Three Musketeers» cried to Fulton, who was put to her to guard her, so she didn't run away. Milady began to complain him, how she was offended, severely humiliated and insulted, and he forgot that she is a criminal, she is in their captivity and should not run away and he went to kill her opponents. I saw parallels between that story and the development of our events, with the first manipulator. I actually had the feeling that he was my dog, loyal. He around me and rubbed, and flaunted, and I stroked his neck and say: «My good, my favorite, my protector, I'm so afraid of them all, I need your help, protect me»... and he rushed away.

After a while, I felt relieved again and a real feeling that I had forgiven him for sure. When I got home, the movie «Spy Kids 4: Armageddon» was on TV. And just as I walked into the house, the little girl in that movie have done away with first villain and her mom said, «Our little girl has done away with her first spy». And the king from «Kinder Surprise» with the Fox from behind him immediately fell backwards on my table. So I realized that, most likely, baby, that is, I have done away with the first manipulator, that he well was protecting me until he was torn by his own comrades-asuras as that mad dog, when he was throwing himself at all of them to protect me, his proprietress, beloved and only.

I forgave the first manipulator. But forgive second manipulator I did not begin. There were a lot of cases. But Shri Ram somehow brought to my mind that the second manipulator must also be forgiven. He reminded me of the story about Karna, how he killed a cow with his bow and how the owner of this cow cursed him for it. I thought, why am I remembering all this? And Shri Ram put in my mind thoughts that this story about Karna is an allegorical explanation of one episode from the life of his teacher and it's the same thing that these manipulators were going to do to me.

Teacher of Shri Ram did kill not woman (cow) with his bow, look, his mental message, manipulation, he did kill her feelings and good attitude to her husband, to the owner, so to speak. And those manipulators also tried to cause in me a complex inferiority, they say, Shri Ram doesn't need me. They are a lot of things threw into my mind, so I saw myself in the role of clingy, importunate street girl, from whom he want, but can not get rid of. Those manipulators wanted to I came to a complete reluctance to have at least some kind of relationship with Shri Ram and broke up with him, since no self-respecting woman will not tolerate this and will not continue to remain in this format of relations. It's the same as killing that cow.

And Shri Ram put such thoughts in my mind that the owner of that cow, that is, the husband of that woman, was in such grief that she left him, and he grieved so much from thought, how would she be there without him, without his protection and reverent attitude and care for her, that he even cursed the one who did it. And in this example, Shri Ram made it clear to me that these manipulators wanted to do this to me and to him, and that they couldn't get away with it, that he was very unhappy with what they were doing and what they were trying to do, and he wanted the second manipulator to get what he deserved.

I thought: my Shri Ram and I are two halves of one whole, they wanted to destroy our couple, and this is unacceptable. I felt sad, I turned on a very sad «Radha Pranama» and listening to this mantra began to complain to the second manipulator that I am alone, that I am very lonely, that no one helps me. I tried to make him feel pity me and plunge him into the abyss of sorrowful sensations.

I honestly tried to cause a piercing all-consuming melancholy in myself, deeper and more sophisticated, so that he dived there with his head and could not emerge and that from the feeling of this universal hopelessness somewhere there somehow forgave himself, that is, committed suicide, because I did not want to deal with him. I tried very hard to complain to him and pour tears, waiting for my efforts had the desired effect and he will have an overwhelming desire to say goodbye to his life... I really hoped that I would challenge in him the desire to leave this rotten life. But he didn't want to say goodbye.

When I was visiting my friend again, we had coffee with her, and after that we wondered, as usual, on the coffee grounds. It`s like Metaphorical associative cards, only in a cup of coffee. And in my cup was obviously sitting brazenly grinning character, slyly looking at me and his whole appearance as if saying, «Ha, your provocation failed. What can you possibly do? You don't have enough strength for us». I looked at this face in my cup and thought that, probably, therein lies something, not without reason he did not succumb to my influence. Probably, in order to see, that the potential there is much more.

I thought that not without reason he is so self-confident that, probably, someone insures him that he is surrounded by some team that blocks and tries to remove my influence from him, therefore, my attempt to reach him failed. I thought, this is very good, this is good for me, because the more of them around him collected, the more I will destroy them all. I thought that in this case it is best to act with the help of Ho'oponopono.

Ho'oponopono is a system that says that all you see, hear, think are programs that you have and that you can remove these programs from your subconscious with four phrases that sound like this in my version: «I'm sorry that I created this situation. Please forgive me. Krishna, I thank you for removing all this from my subconscious. I love You».

I tuned in for this manipulator and started doing ho'oponopono at this manipulator and his programs... I imagined that he has a bunch of installations, programs, developments, tricks, with which he doing such manipulations on different people. I thought he was probably a great expert, sent to break up my couple with Shri Ram, but we are eternal couple. It is unlikely to perform of that such task would be sent an ordinary performer. And if so, it means that he carried out similar manipulations of consciousness to many people. I imagined all of his programs on the whole and began to lift them out of the subconscious, imagining that I have all these programs and began to thank Krishna that He removed all this from my subconscious.

Ho'oponopono says that everything you see, hear, and so on, everything that has at those with whom you in some way come into contact, are programs that sit in your subconscious and wait for a favorable time for them to start evolving in your life. And while they're still there, you can remove them, pull them out of the subconscious. And since I came into contact with the manipulator, then all the programs that he has, I also have, in my subconscious. And if I ask Krishna to remove it from my subconscious, it will completely removed. And since we are all connected in this world as communicating vessels, if in one communicating vessel of liquid became less, then in all other vessels the level of liquid also decreases, as they are all connected.

And if I see the programs in this manipulator and they are removed from me, then automatically removed from the manipulator, and from all the others who have such programs at all. I thought that I'm purging from these programs that this manipulator has, with the help of which the asuras carry out their nefarious manipulations of consciousness, and they, accordingly, disappear at all living beings. Not only at me, not only at this manipulator, but at all these asuras, everyone who has such programs. I was doing ho'oponopono at this manipulator and his programs and saw that he had a whole rank of others behind him who worked with him.

My eyes went through him, and there was a whole crowd of them. They have a whole gang there was, which specialized in the manipulation of consciousness. And I saw that this manipulator is not the most important there, he is small fry, but behind him is very big figure. I imagined that they all have these programs, and was doing ho'oponopono at them all... They have big problems, because Ho'oponopono is correction, complete elimination of the wrong. And because I look at all of them and everything they have there, and I doing ho'oponopono at on all of that, it's getting out of me and all of them. All their programs, skills, all their knowledge of mind manipulation leaves them because it leaves me. And I decided more to doing ho'oponopono with their manipulative artel, so that I could scoop out all from them, dry them dry and completely empty making them their pristine clean. Crystal clear.

After that, I'm five days in a row I was doing hooponopono at manipulators of consciousness, scrubbing from them all their programs, practices and skills. But all things end, and now it is 1 October 2017 — Pashankusha Ekadashi. A person who strictly observes this Ekadashi gets rid of the consequences of all his sinful acts and at the end of life returns into the spiritual world. I was fasting on the water that day and decided to use the power of this day to finish this epic of cleaning these Augean stables.

The day before, I went to harinama and talked to my second husband. I remembered how then, in Moscow, Borka, a former leader of the Moscow asuric organization, conducted his manipulations to dissolve our marriage, and he succeeded. And now the new manipulators have set out to break our with Shri Ram a couple, and we are eternal pair. I thought that my Gurudev calls for the unity of families in Krishna consciousness, and these manipulators are working on consciousness to kill, so to speak, a cow, so that the family would fall apart and the woman would be left alone, as a prostitute, with a prowling look everywhere, seeking shelter and protection.

These manipulators are ruining families, they've already destroyed a lot of families and now they've decided to destroy our family with Shri Ram. They made an irreparable mistake. Now they will all answer for it. They invade the personal space of other people, the family space, do not have the right to do so. I thought my Gurudev called for the unity of families. And punishing such sinners who break up families is the right decision. And I thought that now they will pay for the torment of my husband, he then had a hard time and I feel sorry for him, he had a lot of things to go through because of this, when Borka then wanted to subjugate me under himself and carried out his vile manipulation and influence.

And when the next day after harinama, in Ekadashi in the evening I started to wash dishes, I remembered all this and decided to have done away with the whole cohort of manipulators, so they are afraid climb into other people's families and affect them, making people lonely and unhappy, without protection and fulfillment of their Dharma, their duty. I had a lot of dirty dishes, and this meant a long wash with the possibility of immersion in a good, deep meditation and carrying out a quality striking out the entire cohort of manipulators, which opened when I was doing hooponopono at the second manipulator. At that time through him, my gaze-ray reached some great asur, which stood above all manipulators and whom for the most part I was engaged in those five days before this Ekadashi. But a lot has already been done, I have already cleaned them all well, and Ekadashi was the right day to complete the work with them.

And when I started to wash the dishes, I remembered about my second husband, who suffered a lot because of the manipulation of Borka, and decided: I'll recollect everything, everything I recollect. I turned on my favorite Narasimha Maha Mantra and looked at my inner screen on all of them. They were small, like ants, like you're standing high up in the air, and they're there from below as dots-insects. I was standing huge somewhere high in space and looking at them below me. I aimed my powerful beam at them and at their leader who was like a little speck of dust way down below me, and I by my mighty ray burning through everything, pulling out of them all that they had there.

Then I went into the head of their great leader and there began to rummage, while disconnecting something. It was like how I was unfastening from Shri Ram that terrible thing, and I did the same thing, but in the head of their great leader. Something I disconnected from his head, it disappeared, and then I rose above them high in the space and turned on kirtan of my Gurudeva Indradyumna Swami. I from myself into them was letting the shock wave, which happens in a nuclear explosion. This shock wave came from me like concentric circles, covering all of them. The usual shock wave dissipates in the course of its movement, but my shock wave was not like that.

It did not dissipate, it was static and superimposed one circle on another, covering all of them with increasing power. I was washing the dishes, singing the Hare Krishna mantra and crushing them all with this shock wave. Dirty dishes were a lot of, time to wash it was enough, kirtan was long, and all this time the shock wave was crushing them all with its power, and they were all in this static shock wave and listening to Hare Krishna.

And after a while, I stood over all of them like a Python Kaa, which in the cartoon about Mowgli. This is when the monkeys dragged Mowgli in the lost city, but paid a hard price for it, because friends of Mowgli set Python Kaa on them, and Kaa stood over all of them, swayed, hypnotizing them with his eyes and commanding them «Come closer», and they, fascinated, crawled into his throat. And all those manipulators stood in front of me like those monkeys, completely under the power of my charms.

I imagined that I am this Python Kaa, I look at all of them at the same time in the eyes and mentally say: «All of you are mine». And I gave them the mental order to sing with me and with my Gurudev kirtan Hare Krishna. And we all sang this kirtan together. It was a very powerful kirtan. They tried so hard to sing, with the feeling singing the mantra... I see that the kirtan tugs at the heartstrings them... I see: many of them have tears in their eyes and they sing so heartily. And I began to envy them: I don't feel any of this, and they felt it, what bliss, what luck... How did they do it?

There were many of them, everyone was singing kirtan, and no one could get out of there, they were so immersed in kirtan that they dissolved into his sound. Not literally, but in the bliss that opened up and covered them all up. I looked at their leader, their biggest manipulator, and he's standing there, staring at me and crying. His tears are pouring from his eyes, non-stop and continuously. Just like in «The Shikshashtakam» written by Chaitanya Mahaprabhu says: «O my Lord, when will my eyes be decorated with tears of love flowing constantly when I chant Your holy name? When will my voice choke up, and when will the hairs of my body stand on end at the recitation of Your name? O Govinda! Every moment of separation from me for me, for more than twelve years. Tears are pouring from my eyes, currents of rain, and without you the whole world seems empty to me».

This biggest manipulator who has held a whole cohort of manipulators under him, singing kirtan with me and my Gurudev and crying irrepressibly and can't stop. He was drawn completely into the sounds of Hare Krishna mantra and the tears are walling his eyes like the Niagara Falls pouring out. I look at it and terribly envy: I just sing, but they feel something there, and so powerful…

And then I saw that at this biggest manipulator huge tears flow down his face. I saw that he incessantly, unblinking was staring me in the eyes, his eyes glazed, and his jaw sagged. And he can't move his mouth anymore and can't look. And out him were running some black insects like rats from a ship. I look at it, and he mentally continues to sing the Hare Krishna mantra, sings with me, but can not move. He fell into some kind of trance.

I thought I was reading about it in book of Srila Prabhupada «The Nectar of Devotion». This book describes signs of spiritual ecstasy when a devotee feels bliss in contact with the Holy name of the Lord, with the energies of the Lord. And there is a state when a person becomes numb and can not do anything and from this bliss falls into a stupor and freezes. And that big manipulator froze like that. But I can see that he continues inside singing the mantra and can't stop.

His jaw droops, hangs, such a hole formed instead the jaw, and instead of the eyes completely empty eye sockets. First, there was a glazed look in the eyes, and after that become absolutely empty eye sockets. I look, and his head began to fall apart. As if a tower of bricks falling apart into pieces. He falls apart, but continues to sing Hare Krishna in his mind. And that destruction went from top to bottom.

I washed all the dishes. No dirty dishes left. I looked at those who were under him, and they all sing with me. Someone out there riding on the floor, someone swinging, sitting on heels, someone so entered into an ecstasy that beats himself his head against the wall. I read about it in book of Srila Prabhupada «The Nectar of Devotion», but I've never seen it, and here I look at it with my own eyes. All of them are crying, and I say to them: «Guys, sorry, but dirty dishes I have all over, and today we will finish it all». And they all sing Hare Krishna, they can't stop and crying. How lucky they are, just super.

I say to them: «Guys, we are going to stop this now, because all dishes are clean, I have to go to do my own, I have work, orders came. Sorry, if you want, we can continue next time». And they all chorus: «We can not live without it. We now will die. We can't live without it». And I answer them: «Guys, sorry, but I came to you not to you died, no. I want you to become Hare Krishna. I want you sing as much as possible Hare Krishna in your life and return into the spiritual world. It is not necessary to sit in the material world, this is a wicked place». I said, «You’ve got to sing more mantra Hare Krishna, more kirtan in this life. You're gonna die now, so what? Well, yes, of course, you felt it all, super, I'm jealous, but I had no such goal to you are now ending your existence».

And they are totally miserable, says «We can't live without it». I said, «Well, I'll sing a little more with you». I found a couple of dirty mugs and spoons, began to wash them, sang with them, and then I think: that's enough, I have a lot to do. They were desperate that I would finish this singing, but I had to. I thought that there was nothing more for me to do, everything has been done, let them continue to sing Hare Krishna.

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