Surprises in the Post Office

Mns Smith: This parcel smells, Mrs Jones.

M r s\ Jones: Something's written on it.

M r s \ S m i t h: What does it say?

Mrs!Jones:It says: This parcel contains six mice.

MrsiSmith: Pooh!

Mrs Jones: Listen! What' s in this sack?

İM r s Smith: It's making a strange hissing noise.

Sack: {hisses) Sssssssssssss!

Mrs Jones: Mrs Smith! It's a sack of snakes!

Mrs S m i t h: So it is! And what's in this box, Mrs Jones?

Mrs Jones: It's making a buzzing sound.

Box: (buzzes) Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

Mrs S m i th: These are bees!

Mrs Smith: A parcel of mice! And a sack of snakes! And a box of bees! This is very surprising.

Mrs Jones: It's amazing! This isn't a post office, Mrs Jones. It's a zoo!

The Zoology Exam's on Thursday

Ezra: How's things these days, Lizzie?

Lizzie: I'm exhausted. Revising for the zoology exam!

Ezra: You've got bags under your eyes, Lizzie. Take it easy!

Lizzie: It's all very well for you to advise, Ezra, but I'm going crazy. One of those miserable Zeno boys, two houses down, plays his transistor as if he was as far away as Mars!

Ezra: Boys will be boys. These days everyone plays transistors.

Lizzie: But he refuses to close the windows!

Ezra: Then close your ears to the noise, Lizzie. One learns to ignore these things, as if they didn't exist.

Lizzie: Please, Ezra. The exam's on Thursday.

Ezra: And today's Tuesday! That only leaves two days! You'd better get busy, Lizzie!

A Sweet Siamese Student

Sam: That Siamese student seems a nice sort of person.

Stan: Yes. serious, sensible — a bit insecure, perhaps. Eldest of six — the rest still at school.

S a m: I see her sister sometimes. I saw her yesterday.

Stan: Soft skin, silky voice, sleepy eyes, sort of slow, sexy smile.

Sam: Sounds like Siew Sang.

Stan: Yes, That's it — Siew Sang. She's so sweet.

Sam: Waxing ecstatic, Stan? I must say, I strongly disapprove of senior staff taking fancies to innocent students. You're supposed to be embracing serious linguistic research, not soft-skinned students. Most unsuitable. And silly, when you're just starting to make a success of this place...

Stan: For goodness’ sake, Sam. Who says I'm smitten? The kid's sweet but still only 26. I shall be 60 in September!

Exercise VI. Read the rhymes and learn them.

1. Elizabeth, Lizzy, Betsy and Bess,

They all went together to seek a bird's nest,

They found a bird's nest with five eggs in,

They all took one, and left four in.

2. Sneeze on Monday, sneeze for danger,

Sneeze on Tuesday, meet a stranger,

Sneeze on Wednesday, get a letter,

Sneeze on Thursday, something better,

Sneeze on Friday, no more sorrow,

Sneeze on Saturday see your true friend tomorrow.

3. First we skip, skip, skip,

Then we hop, hop, hop,

Then we turn round as fast as we can

And now we stop, stop, stop.

4. "Quack, quack!"

Said seven ducks at dawn

While night dew

Sparkled on the grass...

And in my bed

I settled back

And slept to tunes

Of "Quack, quack, quack!"

5. I saw a ship a-sailing,

A-sailing on the sea,

And, oh? it was all laden

With pretty things for thee.

There were comfits in the cabin,

And apples in the hold,

The sails were made of silk

And the masts were made of gold.

The four-and-twenty sailors

That stood between the decks.

Were four-and-twenty white mice

With chains about their necks.

The captain was a duck,

With a packet on his back,

And when the ship began to move,

The captain said "Quack, quack!"

Exercise VII. Transcribe the proverbs and learn them.

1. One swallow doesn't make a summer.

2. It's a silly goose that comes to a fox's sermon.

3. He who sups with a devil must use a long spoon.

4. Speech is silver, but silence is gold.

5. If its and ans were pots and pans.

6. Silence gives consent.

7. Stolen pleasures are sweetest.

UNIT 20 [s] – [ ʃ ]

Exercise I. Read the following words paying special attention to correct pronunciation.

3 [s] – [ʃ]

save — shave sock — shock puss — push

mess — mesh crust — crushed sort — short

sip — ship see — she person — Percian

Exercise II. Read the following sense-groups, mind the rhythm and intonation.

(a) dishes; wash dishes; don't wash dishes; wishes don't wash dishes.

(b) seawards; surer seawards; sail surer seawards; should sail surer seawards; sails should sail surer seawards; short sails should sail surer seawards.

Exercise III. Transcribe and intone the following sentences. Practise reading them in pairs.

[s] (a) 1. An endless fence across an endless fence.

2. A few pens costing a few pence.

3. Sue and Cecily are sisters.

4. Sue is sixteen this summer.

5. Cecily was seventeen last Sunday.

6. Sue sees Cecily asleep with a glass of cyder and a nice sixpence ice by her side.

7. Sue is sowing grass seed.

8. Cecily gets such a surprise when she wakes.

[ʃ] b) 1. Shut up, Sheila!

2. She is a shy fish.

3. Share and share alike.

4. Ship to shore communications.

5. Shirley has just finished washing this sheet in the washing machine.

[s] — [ʃ] (с) 1. She saw a shell-shocked soldier.

2. Short and sweet and the shorter, the sweeter.

3. She speaks English and Danish, Polish and Spanish.

Exercise IV. Read the tongue-twisters and learn them.

1. She sells shells on the seashore,

The shells that she sells are seashore shells I'm sure.

For if she sells seashells on the seashore,

Then I'm sure she sells seashore shells.

2. He sighed, she sighed, they both sighed

side by side down beside the river side.

Exercise V. Read the text.

The Smile of a Snake

She speaks slowly, and smokes special, expensive cigarettes. As she steps upstairs, her long skirt sweeps over her silver slippers. She is small and smart and sweet-smelling. Her skin is like snow.

"You have stolen my heart!" I once said stupidly, and she smiled. But when she smiled, she smiled the smile of a snake.

Exercise VI. Read the dialogue, mark the stresses and tunes. Learn it. Act out the dialogue.

A Special Washing Machine

Mrs Marsh: Does this shop sell washing machines?

Mr Shaw: Yes. This is the newest washing machine, madam.

Mrs M a r s h: Is it Swedish?

Mr Shaw: No, madam. It's English.

Mrs M а г sh: Please show me how it washes.

Mr Shaw: Shall I give you a demonstration? Here are some sheets and shirts. You put them in the machine. You shut the door. And you push this button.

Mrs Marsh: The machine shouldn't shake like that, should it?

Mr Shaw: Washing machines always shake, madam. Ah! It's finished now.

Mrs Marsh: But the sheets have shrunk, and so have the shirts.

Mr S h a w: Do you wish to buy this machine, madam?

Mrs Marsh: I'm not sure.

Exercise VII. Read the rhymes and learn them.

1. Wash your hands, wash,

Do you know how?

If you want to wash your hands

Wash your hands now.

2. See-saw, Margery Daw,

Jenny shall have a new master,

She shall have but a penny a day

Because she can't work any faster.

3. The shoemaker's shop is shut today,

Oh, what shall I do with my shoes?

The shoemaker's shop is shut, I say.

And there are big holes in my shoes.

The holes in my shoes may stop my play,

Oh, what shall I do with my shoes?

4. There was a young lady of station,

"I love men» was her sole exclamation.

But when men cried, "You flatter!"

She replied, "Oh, no matter!"

Isle of Man is the true explanation.

5. Thirty thirsty sailors

Sipping pop in pint pots,

At a seaside shop,

And shaking sandy seashells

On saucy seagulls.

Exercise VIII. Transcribe the proverbs and learn them.

1. Slow and steady wins the race.

2. Sink or swim.

3. Slow but sure.

4. Shallow streams make most din.

5. Slanders-by see more than gamesters.

6. Salt water and absence wash away love.

7. Rats desert a sinking ship.

UNIT 21. [ ʧ ] – [ ʃ ]

Exercise I. Read the following words paying special attention to correct pronunciation.

3. [ ʧ ] - [ ʃ ]

witch — wish cheap — sheep catch — cash

match — mesh chair — share watch — wash

chop — shop chew — shoe chips — ships

Exercise II. Read the following sense-groups, mind the rhythm and intonation.

(a) watch chain; Dutch cheese; catch Charles; catch a chill; such chips.

(b) dispatches; matches and dispatches; catches, matches and dispatches; hatches, catches, matches and dispatches.

Exercise III. Transcribe and intone the following sentences. Practise reading them in pairs.

[ʧ] (a) 1. Charles is not much of a catch.

2. Here are two pictures which are a match. Nothing much to choose between them.

3. Charles is a cheerful chicken farmer.

4. Charles is scratching his itching chin.

5. A poacher is watching Charles' chickens choosing which to snatch.

6. He chuckles at the chance of a choice chicken to chew for his lunch.

7. But the chuckle reaches Charles who chases the poacher and catches him.

[ʃ] (b) 1. She is an accomplished musician.

2. This shop is a fish shop.

3. Patricia Fisher is a traditional politician.

4. Shear your sheep in May, you shear them all away.

5. They saw a mission station in the bush.

[ʧ] — [ʃ] (c) 1. Shirley and Charles are a match.

2. She is an accomplished liar.

3. Charles made a substantial contribution to literature.

4. Sheila is a beautiful creature with most unusual features.

Exercise IV. Read the tongue-twister and learn it.

A thatcher of Thatchwood went to Thatchet a-thatching.

Exercise V. Read the dialogues, mark the stresses and tunes. Learn them. Act out the dialogues.

1. At the Butcheťs Shop

Butcher: Good morning, Mrs Church.

Mrs Church: Good morning, Mr Cheshire. I'd like some chops for the children's lunch.

Butcher: Chump chops or shoulder chops, Mrs Church?

Mrs Church: I'll have four shoulder chops, and I want a small chicken.

Butcher: Would you like to choose a chicken, Mrs Church?

Mrs Church: Which one is cheaper?

Butcher: This one's the cheapest. It's a delicious chicken.

Mrs С h u г с h: How much is all that? I haven't got cash. Can I pay by cheque?

2. life Is a Question of Choice or Chance?

— If you could recapture your childhood, Richard, would you change much?

— Life is a sort of arch. Arrival to departure. You can't switch directions, Charles. Each century brings changes but actually, nature doesn't change.

— But you can reach different decisions. With television, you can choose which channel to watch, switch to another picture. You could catch a different train. Given a chance, Richard, would you change trains?

— Life is a rich adventure and largely a question of chance. You don't choose your future as you choose a chocolate or a piece of cheese.

— But, Richard, you do choose. You forge your own fortune — a butcher? a cellist? a teacher? a merchant? Each choice suggests a further choice — which tree, which branch, which twig?

— Let's adjourn to the kitchen for chicken and chips. No choice for lunch, you see Charles.

— But you actually chose chicken and chips! Chops would have been much cheaper.

Which Do You Prefer?

— Hello, Avril, it's me!

— Hello, Jane, come in.

— Oh, holiday brochures at Christmas.

— Yes, the weather's been awful, I want to cheer myself up, so I'm thinking about my summer holiday.

— Mm, I know what you mean. Let's have a look.

— For me it's a choice between Portugal and Morocco. Have you ever been to Portugal? It looks very pretty there.

— Yes, I have. I like it very much. It's very beautiful.

— Mm, and how about Morocco? That looks interesting too. Have you ever been there?

— No, I haven't. I've never been to Morocco but I've been to Algeria, which is quite similar in some ways.

Exercise VI. Read the rhymes and learn them.

1. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride,

If turnips were watches.

I'd wear one by my side.

2. I often sit and wish that I

Could be a kite up in the sky,

And ride upon the breeze and go

Whatever way it chanced to go.

3. There was a man in our town,

And he was wondrous wise,

He jumped into a bramble bush,

And scratched out both his eyes.

But when he saw his eyes were out,

With all his might and main,

He jumped into another bush,

And scratched them in again.

4. If I'd as much money as I could spend,

I never would try old chairs to mend,

Old chairs to mend, old chairs to mend,

I never would try old chairs to mend.

Exercise VII. Transcribe the proverbs and learn them.

1. Cheek brings success.

2. Children are poor men's riches.

3. Choose an author as you choose your friend.

4. Charity begins at home.

5. Misfortunes tell us what fortune is.

6. That's where the shoe pinches.

UNIT 22. [ʒ] – [ʤ]

Exercise I. Read the following words paying special attention to correct pronunciation.

3. [ʒ] – [ʤ]

leisure — ledger vision — region

measure — major barrage — marriage

Exercise II. Read the following sense-groups, mind the rhythm and intonation.

(a) junior; Jones junior; John Jones junior; John Jones junior is a gentleman; John Jones junior is a joyful gentleman; John Jones junior is a joyful gentleman who likes jokes; John Jones junior is a joyful gentleman who likes jokes and jam.

b) language; the German language; learning the German language; Jim learning the German language; Jack and Jim learning the German language; Just imagine Jack and Jim learning the German language.

Exercise III. Transcribe and intone the following sentences. Practise reading them in pairs.

[ʤ] (a) 1. The aged judge urged the jury to be just but generous.

2. Jeremy Jones has a large jug, a juicy orange, a jelly, a gingerbread.

3. Just you wait, Jacob, just you wait.

4. Hello, Janice. This is John Johnson. Is Jenny in?

[ʒ ] (b) 1. Did you watch "Treasure Ireland" on television yesterday?

2. Her pleasure and joy knew no measure.

3. Conversation is a pleasure but it wants leisure.

4. The unusual confusion surrounding the revision of the decision regarding the seizure and closure of the garage is surely due to some measure of collusion.

[ʤ] – [ʒ] (c) 1. After much persuasion John and Joice took a decision.

2. Imagine at her age Jenny wears Parisian rouge.

3. I've just got a message from Gerald and Jack. They are in Leisure and Pleasure General Stores.

Exercise IV. Read the tongue-twisters and learn them.

1. Julia Jamestone will marry judge Jeffreys in June or July.

2. Can you imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie?

Exercise V. Read the dialogues, mark the stresses and tunes. Learn them. Act out the dialogues.

George Churchill

Jerry: Just outside this village there's a very dangerous bridge.

John: Yes. Charles told me two jeeps crashed on it in January. What happened?

Jerry: Well George Churchill was the driver of the larger jeep, and he was driving very dangerously, He'd been drinking gin.

John: George Churchill? Do I know George Churchill?

Jerry: Yes. That ginger-haired chap. He's the manager of the travel agency in Chester.

John: Oh, yes. I remember George. He's always telling jokes. Well, was anybody injured?

Jerry: Oh, yes. The other jeep went over the edge of the bridge, and two children and another passenger were badly injured.

John: Were both the jeeps damaged?

Jerry: Oh, yes.

John: And what happened to George?

Jerry: George? He's telling jokes in jail now, I suppose.

George's Jaw

— Ah, George, jolly good. Just exchange your jacket and jeans for these pyjamas, while I jot down your injuries in my register. Age, religion, that's the usual procedure.

— Well, Doctor Jones, I was just driving over the bridge on the edge of the village...

— Half a jiffy. Let's adjourn to the surgery. I've got a large sandwich and a jar of orange juice in the fridge. Join me?

— Jeepers! My indigestion... and my jaw! I shan't manage...

— A generous measure of gin — just the job!

— It's my jaw, Doctor. I was on the bridge at the edge of the village. I was just adjusting the engine when this soldier jumped out of the hedge...

— Imagine! He damaged your jaw, did he? I suggest an injection into the joint. Just a jiffy. I'll change the syringe.

— Oh jeepers! Gently, Dr Jones!

Exercise VI. Read the rhymes and learn them.

1. I measure from top of my head to my toes,

I measure my arms starting here by the nose.

I measure my legs and I measure me all,

I measure to see if I am growing tall.

2. Jumping this way, jumping that,

Jumping gently like a cat,

Jumping sideways, jumping tall,

Jumping high like a bouncing ball.

3. Just and Unjust

The rain it rainth on the just

And also on the unjust fella,

But chiefly on the just because

The unjust steals the just's umbrella.

Exercise VII. Transcribe the proverbs and learn them.

1. Measure for measure.

2. Eat at pleasure, drink with measure.

3. Jackdaw in peacock's feathers.

4. Jack of all trades and master of none.

5. Business before pleasure.

6. To measure another man's foot by one's own last.

UNIT 23. [1] - [r]

Exercise I. Read the following words paying special attention to correct pronunciation.

3. [1] – [ r]

light — right belly — berry

low — row collect — correct

lead — read alive — arrive

lock — rock long — wrong

lip — rip list — wrist

law — raw lap — wrap

led — red fly — fry

clash — crash

4. Silent i

final position: car, fur, near, poor, later, prefer

before consonant: harm, bird, turn, fierce, short, pearl

before silent e: there, shore, care, pure, fire, here

N. В.: iron, ironmonger, ironing

Exercise II. Read the following sense-groups, mind the rhythm and intonation.

(a) lake; a lovely lake; island in a lovely lake; a large island in a lovely lake; a hill on a large island in a lovely lake; a low hill on a large island in a lovely lake; lying on a low hill on a large island in

a lovely lake; a pool lying on a low hill on a large island in a lovely lake; a small pool lying on a low hill on a large island in a lovely lake.

(b) the track; across the track; a tree-trunk across the track; trapped by a tree-trunk across the track; trucks are trapped by a tree-trunk across the track; this train and its trucks are trapped by a tree-trunk across the track.

Exercise III. Transcribe and intone the following sentences. Practise reading them in pairs.

[1] (a) 1. Ladies and gentlemen, on your left you will see Lumley Castle.

2. This belongs to Lord and Lady Lumley, who live here with their family.

3. All the land on the left of the road belongs to the Lumleys.

4. They have a famous collection of wild animals, including lions, so please do not leave the coach until we are safely inside the car park.

5. We are lucky: Lord Lumley is allowing us to leave the grounds and go inside this beautiful stately home.

[r] (b) 1. Is that Richmond Travel Agency? — No, this is British Rail Enquiries.

2. Sorry, wrong number.

3. Can I borrow your ruler? — Sorry, Ruth borrowed it yesterday, and she hasn't returned it yet.

4. The librarian reports that three hundred readers used the library reading-room in the period from February to April.

5. Round the rugged rock the ragged rascal ran.

6. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

7. Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run.

8. Ring-a-ring o'roses.

[1] — [r] (c) 1. This little girl called Ruth, left all alone, loves her small doll Rosa.

2. Mary had a little lamb.

3. Rack your brains, Lucy.

4. I'm looking for a raincoat, please.

5. I'd rather have a brown raincoat. I look terrible in blue.

6. I'm sorry, that's the only brown one left, and it's a very large size.

7. This year the fashionable colours are black, brown, cream, blue and yellow.

Exercise IV. Read the tongue-twisters and learn them.

1. Strawberries, raspberries and red-currepts with real cream are really very refreshing.

2. Robert Rowley rolled a round roll round, A round roll Robert Rowley rolled round, Where rolled the round roll Robert Rowley rolled round?

3. Eleven local lads and lasses dancing round the village Maypole to a tuneful old melody.

4. The tall pole topples and falls but all the people laugh and the lads and girls are still able to smile.

5. The rate collecter correctly collected the late rates at a great rate.

Exercise V. Read the dialogues, mark the stresses and tunes. Learn them. Act out the dialogues.

Early for Lunch

Mr Alien: Hello, Lily. You're looking lovely today.

Waitress: Hello, Mr Alien. You're early for lunch. It's only eleven o'clock.

Mr Alien: When I come later there's usually nothing left.

Wa i tr e s s: What would you like?

Mr Alien: Leg of lamb, please.

Waitress: And would you like a plate of salad? It's lettuce with black olives.

Mr Alien: Marvellous! I love olives.

Waitress: And would you like a glass of lemonade?

Mr Alien: Yes please, Lily. And a slice of melon and some yellow jelly.

2. A Spoilt Little Boy in a Bicycle Shop

Paul: What a beautiful bicycle!

Uncle Bill: Paul! Be careful!

Salesman: Excuse me, sir. This child is too small to ride this bicycle. It's a very difficult bicycle to...

Uncle В i 11: Be careful, Paul!

Paul: You always tell me to be careful. Don't help me. I won't fall.

Salesman: But, sir. This is a very special bicycle. It's... Paul: Don't pull the bicycle, Uncle Bill. I'll do it myself.

Uncle В i 11: Be sensible, Paul. This gentleman says it's, a... (Paul falls)

P a u 1: It was Uncle Bill's fault. He was holding the bicycle.

3. A Proud Parent

Mrs Randal: Are" all the children grown up now, Ruth?

Mrs R e e d: Oh yes. Laura is the cleverest one. She's a librarian in the public library.

Mrs Randal: Very interesting. And what about Rita?

Mrs Reed: She's a secretary at the railway station.

Mrs Randal: And what about Rosemary? She was always a very pretty child.

Mrs Reed: Rosemary is a waitress in a restaurant in Paris. She's married to an electrician.

Mrs Randal: And what about Jerry and Roland?

Mrs Reed: Jerry drives a lorry. He drives everywhere in Europe.

Mrs Randal: Really? Which countries does he drive to?

Mrs Reed: France and Austria and Greece and Russia.

Mrs Randal: And does Roland drive a lorry too?

Mrs Reed: Oh, no. Roland is a pilot.

Mrs Randal: Really? Which countries does he fly to?

Mrs Reed: Australia and America.

A Lovely Little lion

Billy: I love wild life in its natural element. Look at all your lovely animals, Lucy. Lots and lots.

Lucy: Eleven, actually.

Billy: And look! Here's a lovely little lion — a real live black lion asleep on the lawn.

Lucy: That's a leopard, actually.

Billy: I don't believe it! Leopards are yellow. Look, Lucy, he's laughing! Do animals understand the English language?

Lucy: Leave him alone, Billy. He's licking his lips.

Billy: Would you like a lettuce leaf, little lion?

Lucy: Billy, be careful — Oh Lord!

Billy: Let go! Help, Lucy, he's got my leg!

Lucy: Actually, that's how I lost my left leg. You wouldn't listen, you silly fool. Well, let's limp over and look at the gorillas.

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