The conversation about dogs and cows

And then I began to remember the conversation with the owner of the store about the fact that they feel sorry for dogs, but they kill cows. Then I said that they kill cows, make the dog food from killed cows and feed the dogs with this feed. I saw a hidden meaning in my words about the fact that the janitor with a broom had helped my daughter when she was attacked by the dogs right on the school yard.

I saw that in these words I said to Shri Ram, «You are protecting those who attacked me and wanted to tear me many lives ago, when you were made asur. You protect them. Though you have to protect me. You are my eternal husband, but you protect them, those who attacked me». I said that I was protected then by some janitor with a broom. I was protected by that first person, about whom I told in the story about the recruiter. That first person assured me then that they will deal with the recruiter and I will not be disappointed, and after that he showed me the weak-willed rag left from the recruiter.

That first person at the time he protected me had a wife, I guess. Because what does the word «broom» indicate? He was protecting me not for his enjoy with me. He had a broomstick. He had a woman. But he protected me like a knight. I said to Shri Ram, «He protected me from the dogs who wanted to tear me up when you were made asur. But now you're protecting them, the ones who wanted to tear me up. Though I'm your eternal wife. You're wrong, Shri Ram. You say that we should enjoy here, that we should not look at the return into the spiritual world and that I should forget about what you have done to me».

He told me: «Let's enjoy. I am getting a lot of pious merits from women whom we force to have sex with someone or to masturbate. We siphon off their pious merits. I, of course, give some of these pious merits to asuras, who are in my asuric organization, in order to that they also live well, but I also take a lot for myself. We will live well, enjoy to the fullest at the expense of these pious merits taken from other women. Forget everything that happened. Let's enjoy». And I told him, «You're wrong. You pity these dogs, to whom you give these pious merits from those cows, but thus you kill cows». That is the dogs in this case are meant the asuras.

I told him, «You feel sorry for your asuras. In order for them to live well, you give them some of pious merits taken from some women. But you don't feel sorry for women. You're killing these women. Thus you are forcing these women to live according to the worse scenario of the life, and many women fall to the bottom of life and become in very bad situation, in very limited, worst version of themselves. And this version of themselves is so limited that there is no desire to look at this version. You're wrong. You kill women, taking away the pious merits which they had earned, doing some good deeds, austerities. But you take these pious merits from these women and put them at risk. You deprive them of their normal destiny, and when they are deprived of their pious merits, they have to work off only their negative sinful karma. With these pious merits they would work sinful karma off more gently, in a most sparing mode, more imperceptibly, not in such concentrated form. But you have taken away these pious merits from them, and now these sinful karmic reactions will bury these women».

I told him that Srila Prabhupada is right. How can you be protected if the asuras can intrude even into couples where the husband and wife are faithful to each other? There is no guarantee that there will be faithfulness and purity, even in a couple, even if they are faithful in their thoughts to each other, as the asuras invade everywhere. Srila Prabhupada is right. Voluntary sexual abstinence and mutual fidelity within marriage are the only means of protection. Failing this, there can be no question of any purity, when there are these asuras who know how to invade to conjugal sex. That's what I said to Shri Ram in this talk about dogs and cows when I talked to the shopkeeper.

At that time I had already begun to translate the second part of my novel from Russian into English, about the events that preceded the beginning of my Mahabharata, and there I was shown that at the end of the battle I would sacrifice a pumpkin to them. I thought, «I need to sacrifice still some pumpkin? I need to destroy still some great asur?» I was very confused. And when I thought, «Do I really have to do this? Is it true?», I was beginning to translate a letter of my Gurudev that said, «Srila Prabhupada, I am happy to serve you. I have no shadow of doubt, fear or illusion about my position as your servant. I'd do anything for you. If you had ordered me to go to hell to preach, I would have jumped on the first train rushing to hell, and on the way I would have happily sung the Holy names». This is when I asked a question in my letter about my interaction with Shri Ram, but in fact there through the usual words was a question about the beginning of my Mahabharata, although I did not know anything about it.

I wrote about myself, but after a while, when I was restoring the chronology of events, I realized what these words really meant. It was his blessing for the beginning of my Mahabharata. He answered me in his lecture, which I opened at the Internet by method of random choice, without looking, where he said these words: «I have no shadow of doubt, fear or illusion». And now, when I thought about the pumpkin at the end of the battle, I looked at these words, and then in «VKontakte» somewhere came out a photo in which my Gurudev shoots a bow.

And I thought, «Gurudev told me that I would sacrifice the pumpkin to them at the end of the battle». I thought, «Yes, indeed, have some great asur whom need to destroy and it should be done without a shadow of doubt, fear and illusion». And after that, I translated a piece of text about the word of gentleman which Shri Ram gave me on February 14, 2017, on Valentine's Day, through the words of Boris Akunin's book «Falcon and Swallow»: «I won't harm you! I give you my word as a gentleman. On the contrary, I am so grateful to you for your coming from nowhere to brighten up my loneliness. Trust me! Here is my hand. I will not abuse your trust. We are alone in this gloomy world, so let's stick together».

I thought, Yes, indeed, I would have to destroy some great asur, sacrifice a big pumpkin, and do it without a shadow of doubt, fear and illusion. Seeing all this, Shri Ram gave me his word that he will not tell anyone about it, until I throw a rope around the neck of this pumpkin, which I will once destroy. That's what I thought December 9, 2018. I had no idea what kind of pumpkin it would be and what I would do with it. But I already knew that there is some great pumpkin to sacrifice, that is, there is some great asur or many asuras with whom I will have done away for the benefit of society.

I thought about it and remembered a conversation with my lady friend. When I was talking her about the Hindus, I said one of my lady friends lived with a Hindu guru, a Shaivite, and when he was coming out to give darshan, all were bowing to him, and everybody, too, were bowing to her, because she was coming out with him and was standing with him. I also said that another my lady friend lived in Dubai with some Hindu and she was sitting there as a recluse at home within the walls, went everywhere only with him and did not go anywhere alone.

I remembered this conversation and thought, «Shri Ram wanted a faithful woman. He asked me through my lady friend if I could, like my lady friend, now stay at home within the walls and ride only with my husband. He asked if I could being faithful to him like to Nrisimhadev when I was dissolved in Deity Nrisimhadev, that when everyone were coming to darshan and were bowing to Nrisimhadev, then at the same time were bowing to me, because I was dissolved in Him».

Shri Ram said to me, «You were there for Him, always, no matter what. Can you be just as faithful with me the way you were with Nrisimhadev?» And I then answered him, «Yes, I am still being the same. I still sit at home within the walls, I don't go anywhere». I thought: he wanted a faithful woman, he asked me, «Can you sit at home within the walls and be only with your husband?», but at the same time he was giving me to others, to his asuras. He somehow energetically plugged them onto me, and it turns out that there were a lot of other men with me, whom I do not know at all. And I did not even know that all this was happening, because it is happening at the energy plane of existence.

I thought, «He was giving me to others so ruthlessly, he was selling me to strange men, and he wanted him to have a faithful woman? But that's a pretty big conflict of interest, right? How can you wish the faithful woman if you have no respect for women, if you so destroys, humiliates their dignity, if you treat them so badly? And how can you even wish that you will be given a good faithful woman? Generally, how could you want a faithful woman when you're like this?» And I thought I didn't leave him when he said to me, «You're free, I have another woman now, get out of my way!»

I didn't leave him. When he started giving me to everyone, I didn't leave him. When he started squeezing me out of his space, I didn't leave him. When he started selling me, I didn't leave him. I didn't leave him; I was with him the whole time. But he was using this and was saying, «Only a whore agrees to everything. Therefore we will make you the real whore though you are pious woman and live by rather high standards of life and though you respect yourself as the woman, but I will sell you to everybody. You won't even know you're a whore on the energy plane of existence. You're a stupid naive cow».

He was talking me like this, inaudible to me, he thought so. And I didn't leave him after all that. And he wanted a faithful woman. But he humiliated the woman who was absolutely devoted to him. He treated her so badly. I thought I was sorry I ever came to see him. I was very sorry that I came to him at all. And I thought: life is short. Even if I live another 40 years, it will still end sometime, and these 40 some earthly years is nothing compared to an eternity. I need to be patient. One day this will be over. If I can't leave him, I just have to be patient. This will eventually end.

I thought I shouldn't have been with him and I should have left him. I thought, that long ago between the lives some powerful personalities offered me another couple, proposed to break up with him, but I refused. It was my mistake. I should have said Yes. I should've to deprive him of my help. I should've to deprive him of the supplying with my pious merits. It was necessary, and then he would not have become so arrogant, so proud and so cruel. Then he would become nothing. Then he would have nothing to be proud of. Then he couldn't humiliate women. Then he couldn't have done anything. I shouldn't have said No to offer of those powerful personalities between the lives. Just because I didn't disown him and my pious merits were flowing to him, he became so arrogant, so cruel and so soulless.

I was wrong. It was necessary then to abandon him. Then he wouldn't become so scary monster. Yes, the guy may seem plush and huggable on the outside, but inside, he may be a monster. It would be good for him if I left him. But I didn't want to hurt him. I didn't want to betray him. I loved him. That's why I didn't leave him. But this love had worked to the detriment. Because of the fact that I remained with him, did not quit him and my pious merits were flowing to him, he became such a monster, who are not pitying anyone, even children. Because he didn't spare my children. He became so a soulless monster. And it's my fault, because I felt sorry for him, I didn't give him up. This is completely wrong.

He tried to persuade me to come to him. I learned about this from a conversation with my son's music teacher. Shri Ram was trying to persuade me to come to him. He didn't believe in my existence, but he was persuading me: «I wish you'd come to me. Come back to see me! Please come to me, I beg you. Please come back to me, darling». He didn't believe in my existence. What was he calling for me for? Why was he calling for me? In order to humiliate me and push me into this shit by saying I'm nobody? That wasn't the right thing to do. My Gurudev said right. We must punch them without a shadow of doubt, fear and illusion.

I decided that we shall have crushed them. I'll sacrifice some big pumpkin at the end of the battle. I will definitely do it. Because I'm a woman. He was asking me to come to him, he was persuading me. I had come to him. But what did he do to me? He wanted a faithful woman. This woman was faithful to him. She didn't dump him, between lives, when she was said, «Let's break your connection, let's give you another connection», or in this life, when he was driving her away, then began to plugged all other men onto her, and then began to sell her, but she did not leave him. I was faithful to him, I stayed with him. But he didn't understand. I thought I was wrong that I remained with him, that I did not interrupt our connection, otherwise he would not have become so cruel, cold, heartless and just inhuman. So I'll deal with them. Without a shadow of fear, doubt and illusion.

Just at that time when I saw that at the end of the battle we would sacrifice a pumpkin, that is, I would destroy some great asur, and when I decided that I would do it without a shadow of doubt, fear and illusion, and Shri Ram made a promise to me that he won't rat me out, I had a little verbal argument in «VKontakte» (VK).

There some follower of Maharishi wrote something like this: «Why are you talking only about Srila Prabhupada? Read Maharishi, he is super». I, the silliest goose, interrupted and asked him, «And in General, where are you going, what is your goal?» He writes, «We have one goal. It`s Krishna». I say, «Well, fine, go to Krishna, for heaven's sake, but why force others to learn your favorite doctrine?» And he writes to me, «Why do you stuck with Srila Prabhupada? It's a sectarian vision. You have to read everything. Maybe our sacred doctrine is better?» I looked at it and wrote to him, «You have caused a great inferiority complex in me. Because of that I am feeling so defective, incomplete due to that I am not studying everything, that I am stuck with this Krishna consciousness, with Srila Prabhupada, and due to I do not want to look at anything else. This is lower-order manipulation of consciousness. Don't do that».

He wrote me something else about that a cock is valiant on his own dunghill, but he knows nothing about the existence of seas and oceans. I answered him, «You could ask me in the same way why I live only with my husband and do not consider other candidates. I had chosen Krishna consciousness many years ago, and why should I run back and forth like a flea? You are trying to make me feel inadequate, you are cultivating my inferiority complex that I am so defective, incomplete due to I am living with one husband and do not want to consider others and be with other men, although maybe there is someone better than my husband, with whom I live».

I told him, «It is not good. You are cultivating my inferiority complex, you trying to make me feel inadequate due to that I want to be with my husband, and not to be running after other men. This is my analogy. Look at that thus. You practically told me that». He asked me for forgiveness, wrote: «Sorry, I wrote to You not as to an enemy, but as to a Friend. I respect You. I respect Your choice, too. Sorry, I didn't mean to offend You. And what if we are better?» I said, «Thank you. Maybe you are the best, but I had chosen long ago». He asks me, «When had you chosen?» I answer, «In the last century, before perestroika». He says, «I Respect it. Please forgive me».

When this verbal argument had happened, I saw that through this I was allowed to see what was happening on some subtle planes of existence. I was shown that some advanced devotee of Krishna was trying to get my attention. Because Maharishi is Maha + Rishi. Maha = great, Rishi = sage, Maharishi = great sage. And that follower of Maharishi said that his goal is Krishna, that we have one goal and it is Krishna. That is, it turns out that on some higher planes of existence, on the level of our higher self, some man addressed me, and he goes to Krishna, that is, is a devotee of Krishna, and he is a great sage, he reached a high level of spiritual development.

And I realized that this advanced devotee of Krishna had raised claims to me on some higher plane of existence. He kind of said to me, «You're living alone, you're incomplete, without a husband, without completeness». Because I wrote to him that he caused me to have a large inferiority complex, I feel flawed, incomplete, as if I'm not considering everything. I was sort of told that at some subtle plane of existence some man who lives somewhere as an ordinary man, tried to attract my attention.

Marriages are made in Heaven. Yes, that's exactly what happens. This is a truth. Marriages are made actually in Heaven, but we just don't know about it. But I was shown that there is a man who lives here somewhere and who is very advanced, very good, who respects me very much, because he wrote to me there with big letters about he writes to me not as to an enemy, but as to a Friend. But he still told me that I am incomplete, I'm alone.

I had saw that this man, at level of higher self, said to me, «Why are you stuck with your Shri Ram? Even though you say he's your husband, but he's not with you. You're incomplete, single. We are waiting for you to be free and look at us. At least look to us». That follower of Maharishi offended that I don't want to learn the doctrine of Maharishi, what if it is better there? And thus way I was told that I was not looking at those candidates who are walking around on the ground with their feet and want to find a couple, a good couple with whom they can go to Krishna. Thus way I was told that I don't look at who sees me as their couple and want to be my husband.

I realized that there's a man who is the maharishi, that is, a good advanced devotee of Krishna. I realized this maharishi respects me very much, treats me as a friend, that he is as my friend and goes to Krishna, and he wants to be with me, and he resents, why I do not even look at him, neither at the higher levels, nor here, in physical reality. He says, «I am better than your Shri Ram. At least look at me. I could be perfect for you. Why don't you even look to me?» And I answer him, «I'm sorry, but I'm with this Shri Ram for a long time, since ancient times, from the spiritual world and even when we fell here into the material world. I'm sorry, but Shri Ram is my eternal husband, what can I do?»

Because of all these realizations such sad thoughts came to me... I thought, some good men out there are rushing to me, and they are offended that I don't even look at them, that I don't even consider them, even there, on those subtle levels, and that I get stuck with this Shri Ram. I felt so sad. I thought, «This Shri Ram does not respect me. He was so disrespectful to me. But this man writes to me as to a great friend, with great respect and reverence and says that may be he is better». I thought I'm sorry that I came to this Shri Ram, to this trash who likes to be sucked on by women. I thought that I had denied being with those men who would be happy to be with me and for whom I would be greatest treasure. Shri Ram treated me like a whore and wanted to make me such, and I continue to be with him. And I gave up those men who would treat me like Shakti, as a great friend.

I thought that those men see me as a woman with whom they could go to Krishna and whom they would respect. But Shri Ram has no respect for women. I denied this good man up, whom I did not see, who I do not know, but who at subtle level told me that maybe he is better, that with him I will go to Krishna, that he will respect and appreciate me, but I stayed with this lascivious dirty male who likes to be sucked on by women, who loves this, who can not live without it. I thought, I refused such good man, did not even look at him, and came to this lecherous abomination who likes to be sucked on? I was wrong. I was very wrong about that. I made the fatal mistake of just coming to him.

I thought: how lucky those asuras to whom he showed me in their mental chat room in their thought asuric catalog when put me on sale. How very fortunate those asuras who were staring me there, were choosing and was thinking to fuck me or not, through distance, without contact of physical bodies, at the energy level, at the energical connectivity. How indeed fortunate those asuras who bought this service. They found themselves in a very piquant, extremely rare situation. They had bought as a commodity woman who is Shakti of man who sold and exhibited this Shakti for sale, his own Shakti. Now they'll pay for it. I thought I was wrong, that I came to this lascivious slave of his appetites whom everyone sucked, but it's too late to fix it: I have already come to him. But they all will pay me. And then I remembered September 2 and 3, 2016.

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