The trustworthiness and authenticity of initiation

At the same time I gave Shri Ram the answer to his question whether his initiation which he received at my spiritual master Indradyumna Swami is full-fledged. As usual, I did not hear his question. He just thought about it and wanted to know, and I answered him in an allegorical way in a conversation with one of my lady friends. I and my lady friend were sitting on the Sunday program Hare Krishna, expected prasad, chatting about this and that. She asked me about my children, and I said that my children are Muscovites. She asked if they own shares in the apartment. I said that no, there municipal property, they are registered on a common basis. And then I realized that it is a conversation with Shri Ram in an allegorical language, through hidden meanings embodied in ordinary words. Through my lady friend Shri Ram asked me about the initiation, which he received in November 2016 at my spiritual master Indradyumna Swami.

Then Borka, the former leader of the Moscow asuric organization, put me at stake at their asuric totalizator. He wanted the coolest specialists in breaking and lowering women to break me. He wanted to make a lot of money on it and to obtain satisfaction. Asuras wanted to force Shri Ram to give me to them because there were already big bets made and big forces were converged in there. Borka was so furious because of my disobedience and obstinacy that he decided to gather those asuras who, as he thought, would surely break such an obstinate bitch. And really, they could to break me there, because there many first-rate experts gathered for my breaking. These asuras were the pros at what they were doing. They had powerful asuric mystic abilities, powers, blessings, opportunities. They could break, empty, and lower any woman.

When I destroyed Borka, and then Bhishma, their elder, I started to do it to those asuras who were going to break me at their asuric totalizator. Among them was some asur with big terrible black tentacles in the area Svadhisthana chakra that nothing could destroy. I tried to destroy these tentacles, but tentacles were growing back again. Then I froze his black tentacles and smashed to bits. His tentacles turned to dust and nothing was left of them.

Also there was Eustace, Old Riga, as I called him. He had some powerful blessings with which he could break any woman at the energy plane of existence. This was good, a decent man... I saw him on my internal screen and instantly fell in love with him. All women probably were melting in his presence and thought him a very worthy man, exalted personality, although he used his blessings to turn women into the lustful reckless, promiscuous females.

Asuras told Shri Ram to give me to them in order to they can tear me on their asuric totalizator, so that they would cast me down to a state of the female who is not being able to stop, who is constantly in sexual arousal, in order to that I just couldn't hold on long enough and would began to fuck with everyone, although I am not like that. Their plans were simple. First they would force me to masturbate. They planned to plug into me during my masturbation and fuck me through objects used in masturbation, through distance, without contact of physical bodies, at the energy plane of existence. During this, they were going to pump out my pious merits from me and defile me. After that, they were going to make me go look for men in physical reality for fucking in real life. I would go fuck with everyone who is looking for sex on dating sites, as well as in general with everyone around, not paying attention to who they are, and not thinking about the possible consequences. Asuras wanted to make such a fault whore out of me.

They did not think about my children, how the children would live with such a mother, who would become as a female at a low animal level, would sleep around with everybody and fuck with anyone, even at home, not ashamed of children. There among the eager me to break was the so-called Herr Fritz, chief of the German asuras, who was the tantric and aghori. When I was sending him to his future lives, I stood over them all like Kamakhya, in the form of personified Yoni, and Yoni, which is in a state of orgasm and cannot stop. That's what they wanted to make me.

They wanted to attack me all at once. The asur with black tentacles wanted to influence my Svadhisthana chakra. Eustace Old Riga wanted to bend me using his blessings. Herr Fritz with his tantric forces wanted to disrupt all female centers of my subtle energy body, making me such a female who is constantly in a state of sexual arousal and cannot get out of it. They were going to bring me to such a state in order to I could not stand this non-disappearing, not passing unbearable sexual arousal and would go fuck with anyone, although I am not like that. But Shri Ram refused to give me to them. Then they told him that they would kill him, and challenged him to a fight at the subtle plane of existence.

He had to go to this battle. He was faced with a formidable opponent who would have killed him, and in order to protect me somehow from all those experts in the breaking of women's nature, he asked me to ask the goddess Lakshmi for bless me to conjugal fidelity to Shri Ram. He tried very hard to get me to agree with his arguments, but I put forward such a counterargument that I will agree to do it if he becomes a disciple of my spiritual master Indradyumna Swami. Shri Ram knew that he would be killed in that battle on the subtle plane of existence, as a result of which his physical body would cease to function and he would go to his next incarnations, and he agreed to my terms.

But when at him that battle on the subtle plane of existence began, I was shown that he had a battle and that he would be killed there. And I began to ask Krishna and my Gurudev to save Shri Ram. I began to sing protective mantras in his defense, that he remained alive and even won. And after that he was forced to fulfill my condition, although he was not going to do it, because he was sure that he would be killed and that it just won't come to that. But he had to do it, I had him cornered, and the day after that battle, he became a disciple of my spiritual master.

That morning I suddenly saw on my inner screen myself and Shri Ram, who was standing to my right, and my Gurudev was there in front of us. And there was some invisible dialogue between me and Gurudev. None of us said anything aloud, and on the mental plane was also a complete calm, but I saw that between me and my Gurudev is some kind of thought exchange, conversation that my mind does not hear. As if I was asking Gurudev for something, maybe even promised something. And suddenly this silent dialogue stopped, and I saw that my Gurudev turned his eyes on this Shri Ram and between them went two powerful streams of energy, at the same time from Gurudev to Shri Ram and from Shri Ram to Gurudev.

And there were sparks, and everything buzzed really hard. And from Shri Ram to my Gurudev a great stream of energy rushed. My Gurudev took away the karmic reactions of Shri Ram, his bad asuric karma for all the time when Shri Ram lived as asur and did terrible abominations. And my Gurudev took it all. I saw it all with my own eyes on my inner screen. And then I suddenly saw that this Shri Ram began to grow and he had raised high above the sky. I’m standing small, my head lifted up, and I can’t see him, he rose so high.

And then, after a while, the name Shri Ram came to me, in a randomly opened lecture of my Gurudev about the initiation of the bhakta Konstantin in Evpatoriya. And there my Gurudev gave initiation to just one disciple, there was no sacrificial fire, no bananas in the fire, no ceremony, no other external attributes, and Gurudev there said that in fact the initiation is happening at the level of the heart, at the level of relations. And when I listened to this lecture, I saw such direct Parallels with that initiation of Shri Ram that when Gurudev came to the name of that disciple and said «Shri Nam», the name «Shri Ram» came out of me by itself, because I had called him Ram before. And this way he became Shri Ram.

And this autumn in a conversation with my lady friend, when she asked me about my children, she said, «Are they Muscovites? Do they have shares in the apartment?» And I answered her that they are Muscovites, that they have there a registration, municipal property, on a general basis. This way Shri Ram asked me about this initiation. He did not believe that this initiation is real and the same as for everybody. He thought that if he is an asur, if he did it under duress, if it was at the energy plane of existence, then this initiation is not like that. Although he saw everything himself, he understands everything in these energy matters at the energy plane of existence, but he had doubts. And he asked me through my lady friend about it, allegedly about children, «Was it true initiation? Are the children Muscovites?» I replied, «Yes, they are definitely Muscovites. Similarly the initiation is true». He if as asked me, «And this initiation which I received, maybe, some incomplete, some partial?»

After all, everything was at the energy plane of existence, at the level of the heart, relations. There were no attributes of initiation, no recitation of the pranama mantra, bhakti-sastra. There was no verification of firmness of intent. There was nothing as at initiation of everyone else. He made no promises. Everything was not audible to the human ear, but the energy flow was, and then Shri Ram grew up. And Shri Ram was asking me: maybe this initiation is inefficient, not fully? That is a share in the apartment, this is part, and initiation is the same, partial, truncated, not such, as at all. And I answered: «No, the children have a registration there on the same basis, common municipal property».

And this way I told this Shri Ram that this initiation is the same as for everyone. Despite the fact that this Shri Ram is asur, despite the fact that he did not pass any tests, and did not ask for a recommendation for initiation, and did not chant 16 circles of Hare Krishna mantra, and did not comply the four regulative principles, and, moreover, he did many bad asuric things. But my Gurudev accept him as a disciple and took all his bad asuric karma. Shri Ram very much doubted the effectiveness and the authenticity of this initiation, but I through the usual words rebutted this. I said that children do not own a shares of the apartment, that they are registries on a common basis, there municipal property. Thus I gave him a very clear answer that this initiation is truly.

In mid-October 2018, Shri Ram and I had a meeting in real life, as it seemed to me. So, this is how it was. My daughter and I went to the store to buy groceries. We are waiting in line, at the checkout to pay for the purchase, and the man behind us is referring to me. A lovely, cultured, a very nice man. He asks me for my discount card of this store. On this discount card the word “My” is written in capital letters.

I am often asked for discount card. Someone is buying the products in other shops and they have no discount card of this shop; someone forgot discount card at home. I always help them. I have been asked for discount card many times. Apparently, it is quite common. I never paid a mind to it. But in this case I was forced to pay attention. When the cashier counted all goods of this man and it was time to scan the discount card to factor the rebates, I was going to give my discount card to the cashier, because she is conducting an operation on this card.

Usually, if someone asks for this card, I give it to the cashier, she scan it and immediately returns it to me. I did not give a discount card to any of the buyers. They do not need a card, but a discount. And this time I began to do the same. I hand this card to the cashier, but this man takes control, makes a move to take a proactive role and somehow lets me know that the card should be given to him. I was so surprised... But I thought that if a person asks, then for God's sake.

I give him this discount card, he takes it and gives it to the cashier. The cashier scanned the card, granted the discount and put discount card on a plate for change. I reach out my hand to take this card and put it in my purse, but this man again makes a proactive gesture and, without saying a word, shows me not to take this card, that he will take it himself. And then he takes the discount card off of the plate for change and hands card to me. I take the card from his hands to myself and put in my wallet.

I with my daughter went home, but I had a thought that this situation with discount card is very strange. That’s never happened to me. Yes, many people asked me for a discount card and often, but I always gave it to the cashier, the cashier took it and gave it to me. These people did not care how it all happens, but this time suddenly the man who asked for this card made such a gesture in order to I gave the card not to the cashier, but to him, although I already was handing it to the cashier. What does he care how the discount for the purchase will be carried out?

And when the cashier puts the discount card on the plate for change, it is more convenient for me to take it, it is closer to me, to my hands, but he somehow slowed me down, took the card himself and handed it to me. At the same time on the discount card in large letters written «My», and if you look at this action in terms of symbolism, it turns out that I gave him the word «My», he took, and then thus gave me the word «My». That is, there was a clear impression that everything was done intentionally, purposefully, very symbolically, and in the center of everything was not discount for purchasing, but the word «My».

A very strange picture, it led me to think that maybe I did not invent my whole novel and all this is true. Before that, I often thought that I was just writing a novel, interpreting different events of my life, but now an event occurred that made me think that this novel is not an essay, not a fantasy of wild imagination, but really real life. Well is that possible?

But my life runs its course, nothing happens in it, I just imagine something in my imagination, and I have written this novel. And then suddenly a man with this discount card «My» at the checkout in the store with such a symbolic gesture, as if saying, «I commit my fate into your hands». I even thought: what if all this is not invented, but actually happens? Maybe this is the same Shri Ram? It says «My» on the discount card. Maybe it's some kind of sign. And when all these thoughts were swirling through my head, I felt sad, all of a sudden.

After all, Shri Ram is asur. Asuras live here among us like regular people, very nice, cultured, pleasant people. And this man is the same. I thought: what a nice man... Such a nice, cultured, courteous, good man. I thought that the same Shri Ram I am talking about here is this man who thus attracted my attention, but did not take the next steps, because I gave him a sign that this should not be done now, because in my plan, which I made long before my birth, there are still milestones which we must pass separately, so that everything can be realized as it should be.

I was lost in thought about this event and thought: how could such a pleasant, such a courteous, such an highly intelligent, such a respectable man, who makes you want to open up, do all that I am telling about in this my novel? How could such a good man do all this? If it is him. But why would an ordinary person do such a maneuver with a discount card? It is more logical when I give this card to the cashier, then take it, put it to my purse and go home. That's usually how it goes. But it was different this time.

Here it was necessary that I gave this card to him personally in hands and then that I took this card from him personally. It is seen that this man is normal, intelligent, intelligent, adequate, richly clad. Why would he need such illogical actions? I'm nobody compared to him. He's a very handsome man who looks like he keeps himself in shape. Why would such a man do this? This maneuver with this discount card is irrational. And why does he even need this discount card? Only to lower the check a little bit? It can be seen that this man is enough rich, and this negligible benefit for this discount for him is inconsequential thing. That is, it turns out that this discount card is a kind of symbolic tool. And I thought: Yes, it could be Shri Ram.

And then I remembered the conversation with the karate coach, which I decrypted using the allegorical language, thinking that through these hidden meanings this Shri Ram communicates with me. At that time he told me, «We're from different planets», and I replied him, «Definitely». Then Shri Ram told me that we are from different planets, we are completely different, and I reminded him about the dream with the word «definitely», when he was looking for his Shakti and found her at the territory of sleep and it was me.

That conversation took place in the early summer of 2016. At that time, he had good woman in real life. I mentally looked at the man with the discount card «My», remembered those words and thought: Yes, we're from different planets. We're from different stars. We’re from different worlds. He’s a true man, like no other. He is man many women desire. He's like a delicious cake with whipped cream and strawberries. He's like the best amazing tiramisu that melt in mouth, he is... fantastic! Compared to him, I’m just nobody, a fly in the soup, a repulsive cockroach in the dish. That woman that summer more suited for him; she was the same him. She's like a rare and exquisite delicacy served with the most expensive wines in the world. They are people of one round. And he then told me that I was not of his rank. He's like a lion, and I am like crow. A lion and crow in strange alliance.

I mentally looked at the man with the discount card «My» and thought: that woman suited him much more. But how could we be an eternal couple if we're so different? And how could he even think to stand next to someone like me? Why would he? That woman is much better. And how could such a wonderful man do such abominations that he did to me which resulted that I began to consider myself a piece of shit and think that I could be treated only like that? Gosh, I am just a worthless piece of shit. Because this way you can engage only with the worthless piece of garbage. Just 'cause you're the boss doesn't mean you can treat people bad. I remembered how Shri Ram used direct forceful methods against me, trying to bend me and force me to fulfill the low-lying wishes of all asuras of his asuric organization by means of activating at me a mode of incessant estrus, like at a female animal during the period of fertilization.

How can so handsome man, inspiring unbounded respect, admiration, and even worship do such a thing? Such a striking, catastrophic, humongous discrepancy between the appearance, created impression and the essence. But such maneuver with the card “My” is just a clever move. These things don't happen for no reason. Because this man asked for a discount card in order to this word “My” would be passed from hand to hand. It's something symbolic. But since Shri Ram is master in these allegorical, symbolic Affairs, this maneuver is very much in line with him. And I thought that it could definitely be Shri Ram.

I thought that it could be Shri Ram, because such a maneuver with a discount card is not necessary for an ordinary person who just needs to get a discount for products by means of a discount card that he does not have. I thought that this action was deliberate, considered and very symbolic, because word “My” is written on the card. Either way, looks like this maneuver with a discount card wasn't an accident or a mistake. I gave him this “My” into his hands, and then he gave me this “My” into my hands. I was remembering this man and thinking: what if it is my Shri Ram? How good if it is he! He is such a wonderful man, handsome man, so decent, well groomed, evolved, reliable man. Every detail is carefully been considered. He is man who inspires immense respect and admiration.

I thought it might not be him. He could send someone instead of himself, because before that there was something similar and I also was thinking that this man may be my Shri Ram. And he cultivated in me these thoughts that it could be him. He did not dispel these thoughts and did everything so that I often recalled previous candidate for the role of Shri Ram and thought about him. At that time I thought about that candidate for the role of Shri Ram for a long time, and now situation with a new man, with a discount card “My” in the store at the cash register. And in both cases, a non-standard, non-trivial situation, suggesting that this was done intentionally and very symbolically.

I thought how disrespectful he was to me. He throws these situations to me like to a laboratory mouse, like to a monkey. He throws into my mind these ideas about that it is him, and looks at how I will react in this situation. The funny amusement is to watch this toy jumping at a hot pan. The asur throws a funny idea to this toy and watches how this toy will now get out of this situation.

This is all fun and games to the asuras. I was very sorry that he did not respect me so much that before that he threw into me these ideas about the previous man. And I thought: either one of them is my Shri Ram, or none of them and he just wants to laugh at me, look at my reaction, how I will get out of this situation.

I thought he was wrong. If he showed such disrespect to a woman, considering her a toy, then I will definitely make someone of the asuras guilty and they will be responsible for his such behavior. I thought of all the time I've wasted. I was defending him. I was giving him the pious merits I have received by keeping the fast at Ekadashi. I came to him, although I shouldn't have to do it. Everything I've done is for nothing! I don't know what the hell I was expecting. I shouldn't have done what I did. And I still keep the fast of 16 Mondays of Shiva, to reaction for his behavior not affected him. The reaction that he had to receive for the fact that he insulted me, for the fact that he was humiliating and lowering his soul mate, his Shakti.

I thought, that I, of course, offended on him, that he treating me like to toy, but I should not wish to him bad, after all I keep the fast of 16 Mondays of Shiva so that my bad wishes will not affect us and in order to Shiva will neutralize all this. But the bitterness did not pass, and then I said, «Krishna, please, hit him harder. I, of course, keep the fast of the 16 Mondays of Shiva, but these sad thoughts haunt me, and I want to forgive him. Please, Krishna, hit him harder. Please, hit him right now that I could forgive him. Hit him so that I feel that You hit him very hard, that he is in pain, and then I can forgive him».

I can't wish him bad, because I keep the fast of 16 Mondays of Shiva, but I have to forgive him. But I can't forgive him any other way, so I asked Krishna, «Help me to forgive him. Please, hit him there so I can forgive him here». And after that I had thought: what if one of them is really my Shri Ram? But then who's...? But what if it's none of them? These thoughts bothered me greatly.

I needed to look at something in folders with pictures on my computer where screenshots from «Mahabharata» and «Mahakali» which every 30 seconds randomly change on my desktop are stored. I opened that folder and found that for some reason a lot of screenshots were duplicated. And I the whole evening manually was deleting all these duplicates. I was thinking about this man with the discount card «My» and about the previous man and was deleting doubles of screenshots. I had deleted all doubles of screenshots. After that, I opened desktop of my computer and began to watch what screenshots will be shown to me there.

And then appeared the screenshots with the words: «He never used the wrong words», «When he spoke, he had no problems with the body. He was always very focused». This is the words from a lecture by my Gurudev, in which he described the dignities and blessings of Hanuman, but actually told Shri Ram about me. And one of my dignities was that I never used the wrong words, that is, I was never being with other men. I was always faithful to my husband, I was focused on him.

And then appeared the screenshot with the words «You have to agree to the terms of the great Bhisma». I thought it was Krishna telling Shri Ram that he should agree to remove his double and show me who is definitely his double so that I can remove double because I have always been faithful to my husband and have never been with other men.

The next day in the morning my daughter and I went to the store. We go, and suddenly on my inner screen in front of my inner gaze rose the previous man, about whom I also thought for some time that he could be my Shri Ram. And he's standing on my internal screen the same they all were standing in front of me when I was destroying them. He is standing, and I understand that I was given him, because he is definitely not my Shri Ram. That is, through the words that «he never used the wrong words», Shri Ram was told that he had no right to send to me others because I am focused on him, but he sent another man to me and because of that I was meditating on other man. And if I was meditating on someone who is not Shri Ram, then the other must be removed.

And I started to delete him. I dealt with him half a day. I thought that he was at asuric organization of Shri Ram, he was Shri Ram`s subordinate, his disciple. He was carrying out Shri Ram's assignments. Shri Ram dared to send that man to me in his place. Apparently, I really asked Krishna to knock Shri Ram hard so that I could forgive him, because this disciple of Shri Ram, who had the audacity to fulfill this command of Shri Ram, appeared before me in my mind's eye, on my inner screen.

I went into inside him and became a dazzling bright white star shining in all directions. From me it went bright radiance, and this radiance was piercing him completely. This radiance was piercing him for a long time. All the time that we were going to the store, after the store. I fried him well by this radiance. Then I turned on powerful turbocharging at the very bottom of him, and there was a furious stream of energy, the raging fireworks. A powerful stream of energy was rushing through his inner tube of his energy body and everything was buzzing.

After the energy turbocharging, I turned on the raging fire there, it completely filled him, and I began to burn everything there inside him slowly, qualitatively, consistently from the bottom up. From the bottom up, it was all gradually burning up and completely had burned down. And there everything became empty and lifeless, black and hollow, like an empty, dead, black, completely lifeless hollow pipe. After that, I turned on the Hare Krishna mantra to fill his entire empty, black, unviable hollow tube with the sound of Hare Krishna, so that he would receive real benefits.

But even after that, I couldn't forgive Shri Ram. There was something missing so I could forgive him. I thought: for so long I thought about that man, but it was not Shri Ram. Once that man stood in my mind's eye, on my inner screen, I saw that it's the previous man. This means that Shri Ram dared to deceive me. Maybe he's lying to me again. If this man with the card «My» is not my Shri Ram, then I will destroy more asuras. I will tear out all the trees of this forest because Shri Ram dares to humiliate me so much, he does not to respect me so much, dares to send someone in his stead. I will burn everything at the asuras for he was deceiving me. I thought: Jesus, I feel like a worthless piece of shit.

I thought that if the previous one wasn't Shri Ram, then this one with the card «My» might be Shri Ram. I remembered him. Such a handsome, such a wonderful man. I'm a pathetic peasant compared to him. I'm pathetic like a dog that's been kicked too many times, and keeps coming back for more. My inferiority complex began to grow. I thought: that woman is much better than me. She suits him better. I am no match for him. How will he be with me? After all he should become with me. I am nothing, compared to him. I am as a little scrap of ordinariness for him, and he's like a sky full of stars. He seems like an actual gift. You know, like at Christmas when you get a gift? He's like the tastiest ice cream. He's like a delicious amazing chocolate. How is he going to stand next to me? But once, at the beginning of our interaction, he told me, «Be my wife, become my wife». Words have consequences. Everyone must be held accountable for their actions. He gave his word. He must honor it. Nothing comes without a price.

Yes, that woman in the summer suited him better; they were people of one round. But when he became a fatal failure and his life went downhill, he would lose everything, including house, then it was clear that she would get rid of him on plausible justification, and he would remain on the street, although he is handsome, although he is man life has been kind to, although he is used to living comfortably. But she wouldn't have pitied him. She would have quietly thrown him out on the street, because her credo was «Every woman is born to be happy, and I am Worth It». But if a man is a loser, you will not get happiness from him. She suited him better, but she would have thrown him out of her life and he would die on the street.

Lona on her outside characteristics was better suited him, than I. She was gorgeous, sophisticated, beautiful, well-attended, very sexy woman, in sex everything was at the highest level, but she would have erased him. She would have made him an impotent, not only in sex, but in all spheres of life. She would have pumped out of him all his life files, forces and skills, and he would become a nothing. But she suited him better. They were like two peas in a pod. He was destroying, erasing everybody, and she likewise was destroying everybody; she was erasing them completely. He is nice looking man, wonderful man; you will never guess that he says, «We remember only the best, and what is not the best, we will forget. We will do so that everyone will forget what is no longer the best, because there will be no one to remember, we will erase completely».

And Lona was the same. She was saying, «We remember only the best. We'll pump everything out of him; he won't be the best anymore. Everyone will forget about him». Lona really suited him, but she would have destroyed him completely. But I'm a sucker, a nothing, absolutely do not suit him, but I'm his only love, I'm his Shakti, the eternal soul mate. How can we be so different?

Time went on. I continued to translate the text of my novel from Russian into English. Once I was invited to participate in a game with Metaphorical associative cards. I wanted to know more about the mysteries of this novel, hidden from me, and I asked Metaphorical associative cards to reveal these secrets to me, and at the first card were drawn a man and a woman. A man holds out a bouquet of flowers to a woman standing inside the mirror. I associated this picture with myself and Shri Ram, and this bouquet of flowers piqued my interest.

I thought: what can this bouquet mean regarding our situation with him? What kind of bouquet does this man hold out, which the woman seems to take, but it seems she does not take, but at the same time stands with a blessing gesture, but looks not at the bouquet, but into the eyes of a man? And she is in a kind of mirror, in a sort of cocoon, in a pearl luminous sphere, which is kind of like a completely different world.

And as I was thinking about it, I suddenly wanted to listen to a lecture of my Gurudev, which I found in the fall of 2016, when I was thinking about what spiritual name my Shri Ram could get when he was initiated at the level of relationships, at the level of the heart. It was a lecture about the initiation of the bhakta Konstantin in Evpatoriya. Thanks to that lecture, I learned about this name Shri Ram. I wanted to listen to this lecture, so I began to listen to it from the beginning.

I have reached in this lecture the following words of Gurudev: «The spiritual master also takes a vow in his heart. He will not consider his mission accomplished until the disciple is liberated — returned into the spiritual world, to the Lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha and Krishna. And there, in the spiritual world, a disciple and a master are already serving Krishna in their spiritual bodies». When I was listening to this, just at this moment Gurudev's words about the vow of the spiritual master coincided with my thoughts about this bouquet, which a man holds out to a woman in the mirror in the Metaphorical associative card, and with translation of text about one asur and a friend's hand.

When I was sending that asur to his future lives, I said to him, «Friend, help me. I want so much to return to Krishna into the spiritual world. You see, that this life is absolutely hopeless and inconsolable. Maybe someone is looking for some kind of love here, believes that they can do something and has some optimistic plans, optimistic moods, for God's sake, it's their business. But you see what I'm doing. (At this time I was sending him out of body into his future incarnations.) I'm a woman. Every woman is born to be happy, and she is worth it. Each woman are worthy of happiness, but at every life I'm born only in order to destroy Universal villains like you. You can see the sacrifices I've made even in this life to remove you, to give you exaltation. I risk my life, my emotions, in order to destroy such as you. I want in this world for myself this: „Every woman is born to be happy, and I am Worth It“. I want happiness, because I'm a woman, but I'm on duty. I destroy many villains like you. I am a powerful weapon, unique weapon, very necessary and in some sense irreplaceable, I have some unique abilities. And the fact that this Shri Ram, who is my eternal husband, is not with me, even gives me a head start. Because I can go to the most terrible, horrid and shameful tasks that no one wants to take, but I go there. I'm fearless, although I'm frightened of everything. You can see that I am very necessary, very important and that I do not want to be in this material world for a long time, but because I am very necessary, I have no chance to give up this job, because I am as if a knight and I want to help, protect. Friend, help me. You're a man, you can do this. I beg you. I'm sending you to future lives now. You will be a devotee of Krishna there, you will help the mission of ISKCON, the work of Srila Prabhupada, and you will help people to return into the spiritual world. Help me, I beg you. Do your best for me to return into the spiritual world». When I already sent him, I passed into the room and accidentally touched a hand of the friend, that is, stick, a scratcher with a hand on one end of a stick. I took this hand of friend and thought it was a sign.

And this time I was translating this piece of text with this story, when I listened to the words of my Gurudev about the vow and thought about the bouquet in the hands of a man. I translated these words then into English: «This is a sign to me. Everything went fine. We have done away with this giant, and he told me as a friend, „Here is my hand. This is the hand of your friend. I will do everything for you“. And I told him, „Friend, I'm counting on you, I'm hoping on you“».

All these events came together at one small period of time, literally at the same time. First event is picture with the bouquet. Second event is my thoughts, what does this bouquet mean. Third event is the translation of the text about the hand of a friend and his promise to help me return to the spiritual world. Fourth event is words of Gurudev in the lecture that the spiritual master in his heart takes a vow and he will not consider his mission accomplished until the disciple gets liberation — return to the spiritual world, to the Lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha and Krishna. All of this miraculously coincided, merged in an instant.

And then I remembered that Shri Ram made some kind of vow in our interest in July 2018, when I found out that he was giving me to everyone from his asuric organization, at the energical connectivity, and when I tried with all my might not to destroy him. Krishna did not give me permission to do this, and then after a while Krishna through a screenshot from the TV series «Mahabharata» told me, «You can go after him». I didn't understand then why I could go after Shri Ram if he didn't respect women enough to do that to me.

And at that time I had wanted to listen to the lecture of my spiritual master, which I also accidentally found on the Internet on September 4, 2016. Through this lecture my Gurudev offered Shri Ram to accept me as his wife and described my virtues in an allegorical form. At the end of this lecture Gurudev spoke about the vow made by Lord Ramachandra that anyone who says to Lord Ramachandra «I am yours» will always be protected, always safe, he will always be all right.

At that time, in the summer of 2018, when I tried with all my might not to destroy Shri Ram, I listened to this lecture, and when my Gurudev there said that Ram took a vow in our interests, I realized that just because of this Krishna told me through a screenshot from «Mahabharata» that I can go after him, that is, I can again become with Shri Ram, although he behaved so disgustingly. Krishna said that I can follow him because he took some vow and this vow is in our interests.

I did not know what kind of vow it was, but this time, when I was translating a story about a friend's hand into English, I was thinking about a bouquet in the hands of a man at a Metaphorical associative card and at the same time I was listening to Gurudev's lecture. In Gurudev's lecture I had gotten to the words about the vow of the spiritual master to do everything so that the disciple could return into the spiritual world. I understood about what kind of vow Gurudev told me then about that Ram took the vow in our interests. I understood why then Krishna told me, «You can follow him».

I realized that Shri Ram had taken a vow in his heart that he would not consider his mission accomplished until I get liberation — the return into the spiritual world, to the Lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha and Krishna, where we would serve Krishna together being in our spiritual bodies. All coincided, in one moment. One word, just one thought, at one moment... The words of the asur «Here is my hand of your friend, I will do everything to help you return into the spiritual world», and the bouquet in the hands of the man, which he holds out to the woman in the mirror, and Gurudev's lecture with the words about the vow of the spiritual master, and the memories of those words of Krishna «You can go after him» and that Ram took a vow in our interests.

All coincided, converged in one point. It was like everything was finally falling into place. Bouquet of flowers, words of Gurudev and Krishna, friend's hand, all converged in this vow of Shri Ram. And it turned out that Shri Ram then took this vow in our interests. He decided to do everything to help me return into the spiritual world. And I realized what a bouquet in the hands of a man means. It is a return into the spiritual world. Shri Ram offers me a return into the spiritual world, and we will return into the spiritual world together, because the lecture said that the spiritual master and the disciple in the spiritual world serve Krishna together in their spiritual bodies.

It seems I intend to return into the spiritual world with Shri Ram, because we are an eternal couple, and it seems that's why I came to him — to give him a chance. And all events led him to take this vow. He has taken a vow to return with me into the spiritual world because I want to. I was stunned to learn about it. I thought, since Shri Ram has taken such a vow, he is going to the spiritual world. But how can he go there, if he's an asur? How the asur can go into the spiritual world? But Krishna said that someone calls Him Krishna Ranchhor, that is, a deserter, and when your chariot is ruled by a deserter, then anything can happen.

When I pulled out this Metaphorical associative card, which shows a woman in the mirror and a man outside the mirror holding her out a bouquet of flowers, I described everything I saw there. I was very puzzled by this bouquet of flowers, and I thought all day what it could mean, and in the evening at some point I realized that this bouquet is a return into the spiritual world. This indicates that Shri Ram has taken such a vow.

When I realized this, I reread my description of this picture from this perspective and saw that I was blessing Shri Ram for this. Because I saw that this woman is holding her right hand at the bouquet in a blessing gesture. And since the woman in the picture is holding her left hand to the man's left hand, I said that I support him in this. As if I told him, «Well done, this is the right decision, I will support you».

In my description of this bouquet was written that for me this bouquet is very important, and since this bouquet represents a return into the spiritual world, this confirmed that the return into the spiritual world for me is very important. I also saw that it is important for me that we go back there together, because this woman does not snatch this bouquet from the hands of a man, she does not take it to herself, they both hold this bouquet.

I was very impressed by my own words about that the bouquet itself is not so important to me, that it is only a good background for our point of contact. The bouquet acts as the exposed part of the power cord and allows merging the current of both wires together. In these words, I saw that my return into the spiritual world is not an end in itself. The goal itself is to reunite, fully, full-scale, properly, and this is possible only in the spiritual world, because only there the reunion will happen the way it ought to be.

Apparently, here, in the material world, such a reunion can not happen, because there are some interfering factors, something that does not allow these two exposed wires to conduct current completely, as if through one wire. Here, in the material world, these two wires always have some place that can to impede direct communication or in which disengagement can occur. But there, in the spiritual world, apparently, there is the only possibility for these two wires to really connect, in order to the current goes as if through one wire. And thus I realized that the spiritual world is for me not an end in itself, although already many lives I am an inspector of the Universe Patrol and perform dangerous tasks for the destruction of the universe criminals.

For me, the spiritual world is the ideal backdrop for our contact with Shri Ram, the best environment for our interaction. I came to Shri Ram, put myself at risk, in order to just make him understand the importance of this bouquet, the return into the spiritual world. And the fact that I put myself under his blows, under the blows of other asuras, was only in order to he saw the importance of our return into the spiritual world and in order to he took this vow that he would do everything for this. But my return into the spiritual world is not so important for me. For me, the spiritual world is a place where the eternal couple can actually be a couple.

In that description I was puzzled by the fact that the man's right hand is not visible, as if he was holding something in it, hiding something in his hand. And I said in my description of the picture that until he stretches out his right arm to woman, he will not be able to pull her to him and hug her. And there I was asking questions why he just stands and hands her a bouquet? Why he not gives her both hands? Why he is not embraced her? I assumed his right hand was busy, so he couldn't stretch out his arm to her. I thought: what's in his right hand and why can't we see it?

In fact, by this question about the right hand of a man, I blackmailed Shri Ram that he was hiding something from me and that he had to open it to me. He didn't want to open this. He thought to smooth rough edges. He wasn't going to open the hidden from my awareness points of our interaction. He was just trying to keep a lid on things, but he had to open this. And these questions about the right hand that is occupied with something were blackmail, in order to force him to open those shameful pages of our interaction.

A little later that day I remembered that a year before was a similar picture with a bouquet of flowers, in a similar session with the Metaphorical associative cards. I found that metaphorical associative card, and it turns out I described it in the 103rd series of my novel. I devoted then to the description of this picture all 103rd series.

At that metaphorical associative card showed a woman with a bouquet of flowers in her hand coming to a man lying in a hospital bed. This man is all bandaged up, all his face is bandaged up, he can't see, he can't hear, he can't move, he's in a very bad condition, he is hooked to a drip, and the woman stands in the doorway of hospital room and holds out him a bouquet of flowers.

It’s a paradoxical picture, because in that hospital ward he just wasn't up to the flowers. He did not can to see the flowers and hear this woman. He did not be able to have something to perceive, but woman came to him and hands him in the hands the bouquet of flowers. This picture was just before the advent of Lona, whom would have erased Shri Ram. Lona would have made him an impotent in the sexual sphere, and in general in life, and then would have sent him into an incorporeal existence, after he would have left his body. Apparently, her coming to him shook him very much and gave great realization, because of which he recovered.

Only a year has passed from that picture, and something has changed dramatically, since now there is again the Metaphorical associative card, and again with a bouquet of flowers, but now the man recovered, stood on his feet, he sees and hears, and he can speak. And even he took this bouquet in his hands and stretches it to this woman. He holds this bouquet of flowers, does not throw it, that is, understands its value and importance. Just a year has passed, and what dynamics of events and what radical changes!

I brought him this bouquet of flowers. It turns out, he was calling on me, was persuading me to come to him, saying me in his past lives, between lives, «Come to me, my Shakti, my love, come to me, I will do everything for you. All I want is your happiness. I'm ready to give up everything for you. I've waited so very long to meet you. You probably live somewhere, although I don’t really believe in it and although everyone tells me that you are my hopeless dream, but I really want you to come to me. Knowing that somewhere there are you, gives me the courage to open my eyes. The reason the horizon shines for me is that somewhere it's hiding you. My love, you’re always in my heart. I live only for you». That's how he was saying me, and I came to him. But I came to him not empty-handed. I brought him a gift — a return into the spiritual world. But he didn't need that gift. He did not understand value of this gift and did not even see it. And he did not understand why it is necessary at all, because we’ve got a nice life here.

He said, «I am the asur. I am a great asur, that is, such asur, who can coordinate a large asuric organization. I can plug into any woman and forced her either have sex with someone or masturbate. I will become richer and richer, because I am able to draw from women their luck, their pious merits during female orgasm. I can empty any woman. I can plug anyone asur into any woman. We will live very well in the material world at the expense of pious merits of these women, and there are so many of them walking around. Why would I go back into some spiritual world? The whole material world is at my feet». He did not understand why I brought him this bouquet of flowers. He thought that he was ahead, that he has all the power, that he will handle everything, that he's holding all the cards. He was calling on me, I came to him, I brought him a priceless gift, but it was not in the areas of his interests.

And after some time he had Lona, a woman who had a specialization to erase such great presumptuous asuras who know how to draw from other women pious merits and live an easy and luxurious life here at the expense of these pious merits. Her main and favorite job was having sex with such high-handed great asuras, RA. He tried sex with her and said, «I have never seen such women, although so many women pass through me every day. Through the eyes of everyone in my asuric organization I see everything and constantly make selection of different women. I constantly decide who of these women needs to be bent, who to force, who just to push, so that they engage in sexual satisfaction by masturbation or sex with someone. I've seen a lot of women, but this woman is the best. There's no one like she under the sun! She is the only person I've ever met who's worthy of being my woman». And he then immediately turned me down, said, «Farewell, we are parting forever», although he already knew that I am his soul mate, his eternal wife, although before that he saw how he was made asur.

I have highlighted to asuras the recruiter who recruited Shri Ram many lives ago. The asuras shook out all the life files from that recruiter, and Shri Ram with his own eyes saw those life files of the recruiter. He saw how it all happened, what ways it was done, in order to forced Shri Ram to became an asur, so that he left out of my space and that I was left alone, without his protection, so that the recruiter began to process me. And Shri Ram saw all this in the life files of that recruiter. He saw a lot of things, but when this Lona came to him just to erase him so he would become nobody, without a body, he left me. She would have thrown him into a disembodied existence. And such a disembodied existence was waiting for Shri Ram. Although he was a great asur, RA.

He was so protective this Lona, so looked out for her, in order to I wouldn't mess up anything in her well-functioning sexual system. He was protecting that woman from me, although she was going to make him nobody. At first he was supposed to become an impotent, and then she would send him into a disembodied existence, for a very long time. Because the word «nobody» consists of two parts: «no» and «body». That is, as a result of interaction with Lona, he would not have a body, he would become a ghost, an incorporeal spirit, for a very long time. And when you consider that he left his Shakti, his soulmate, he would went not to just disembodied existence, and he would went into hell worlds. We then removed Lona, along with those who organized the project to remove such presumptuous asuras. And I guess that due to this Shri Ram understood something, learned something, and saw something. Because after that, a year after that card with the bandaged man on the hospital bed, he got up on his feet, took this bouquet of flowers, handed it to me, and said, «I'll do anything to get you back into the spiritual world». And I said to him, «We will return into the spiritual world together».

When that man in the store asked me for my discount card with the word «My», I thought that it was a very symbolic gesture that hardly any ordinary people would do, and that this man might be my Shri Ram. But already there was similar situation that also led me to these thoughts, and then on some higher plane of existence I told Shri Ram that he does not respect me and that he has to give me one man of the two men from these similar situations. I told Shri Ram that he has to give me man who is definitely not Shri Ram. Then, in my mind's eye on my inner screen appeared the one who was before similar situation with man with the card «My». I realized that this man is definitely not Shri Ram and that I was given him. I burned everything in his energy structure and after filled him with the sound of Hare Krishna.

Looks like it was the disciple of Shri Ram, and Shri Ram was very painful to give him to me. But I asked Krishna that He hit hard Shri Ram in order to I was able to forgive him. That's why it happened. I sent his disciple to the scrap, this hit Shri Ram hard, but despite this, I still could not forgive him. The resentment did not go away, and then I was given this Metaphorical associative card, on which a man holds out to a woman in the mirror a bouquet of flowers. It was very clearly revealed to me that Shri Ram took a vow in the summer of 2018 to do everything to bring us back into the spiritual world, and that he will consider his mission unfulfilled until it happens. This realization reconciled me in my thoughts with him, with the fact that he exists at all, that I did not kill him, that he lives and that I do not leave him.

After that, one evening I sat down to watch a series of «Mahabharata». As always, by method of random choice, without looking, I had poked in one of the series of «Mahabharata» and looked it. There Krishna told Draupadi that her mind had calmed down, but her heart was anxious. I thought it was Krishna who said about me, that my mind has calmed down, but my heart is anxious. I thought: why do I anxious?

And then my son had a school trip. I gave him the money and told him to buy just what he need, so he wouldn't buy anything else. I told him not buy harmful chips and artificial beverages, and buy normal food and normal juice. He said he would buy only useful and good, but I told that I was afraid he'd buy something I don't let him.

And I realized that in this way, through a conversation with my son, I told Shri Ram that I was afraid that Shri Ram would leave me for someone else. Because although he took this vow and unambiguously determined, but I am far from his ideal of womanhood. He has certain preferences, wishes and the image of a woman with whom he would like to stand next to and be proud that such a woman is his woman, but I am far from that image. And from what I said to my son, that I was afraid he was going to fall for something interesting, I saw that I was afraid of it. After all, many women pass through Shri Ram all the time. He constantly sees them on his inner screen, because he looks through the eyes of all his subordinates and many people. And I thought that, of course, there are many women who are better than me and who are more consistent with his image of the desired woman.

I thought that although he took this vow, but he might fall for one of them, or even a lot of good women. The asuras have such a principle — «We remember only the best». When something better is turned up, the former is forgotten and, accordingly, destroyed, if asur want to destroy. And I saw from his behavior that it is natural for him to have this behavior and this concept «we remember only the best». I thought that he could fall for the best and forget that he took some kind of vow, they say, why all this? That was my fear. And then to my mind came the thought that he is also afraid that he will be dumped.

I immediately realized that it was his thoughts about this situation. He kind of sees my fears, understands and at the same time says he is also afraid. He is afraid that I will dump him, because he already was dumped. He was three times married, and all three of his wife ruthlessly, as he believed, left him. And he, with three unsuccessful attempts to get comfortable in this material world in this life, is afraid that I will dump him. And when these thoughts came to me and I realized that it was his thoughts, I answered him. But I answered him not with words, but the situation.

We had a cat in the stairwell. This cat was domestic, but her owners left somewhere and left cat in the stairwell. All time this cat sat at door of her owners and there same brought kittens. We were sympathizing for this cat and her kittens and fed them. And when I expressed to Shri Ram my fear that I was afraid that he would follow this asuric principle «we remember only the best», and something better would surely come, and he would go there and leave me, and he in response said me that he was also afraid that I could throw him, these kittens began to loud squeak at our door.

I went out to feed kittens. One of these kittens was the most brazen. This kitten ran into our apartment when I turned to the other kittens. I began to go home, began to close the door and felt that door rested against something soft. Immediately I slowed down and realized that kitten had sneaked into our apartment. Kitten hid somewhere and began to beep. He must have been in pain. I looked for him all over the apartment, then found him hiding behind the washing machine, in the corner, sitting there, shaking and beeping. I took the kitten out of the corner, opened the door and sent kitten to his mother. And it was my answer to Shri Ram that if any man sneaks to me like that kitten, then we'll send him straight to his mother, that is, to the woman who is the right person for him, intended for him.

And then on my desktop immediately appeared a screenshot with the words «I will not throw you. I anywhere will not throw you. I'm not letting you go anywhere. You're mine. You will be mine». He told me those words when he was with Lona, that is, the eraser of such great asuras. Lona was devastating them, casting them down to a disembodied existence, although they thought that she was a wonderful woman.

When this Lona was with Shri Ram, he was very passionate with her. He felt like a real man. Their sex was awesome. At that time we had a pillow`s session. I hugged the pillow, although I was not going to, and out of me began to pour words of love for him, and then I began to ask, «Why are you not with me?» Then there were periods of silence, as if he was saying something to me, somewhere at home, but I did not hear him here. And then I started saying, «I don't believe you. This can't be happening». And when all this happened, I realized that I told him: «Why are you not with me? You should be with me, but you are not with me. How did this happen?» and he answered me something back there, but I didn't hear it here, by these ordinary ears, but somewhere in those layers of existence I heard it, and I said to him, «This can't be, I don't believe you».

I was so curious to know what he had said to me that I began to plead to Krishna. I said, «Krishna, I beg You, I want to know what he said to me there. Please, I want it so much». And then this pillow`s session continued, and new words began to pour out of me, but now the words were quite different. There were the words «You're my love. You're my beloved. You’re the woman I love. I love you», and then were other words: «I will not throw you. I anywhere will not throw you. I'm not letting you go anywhere. You're mine. You will be mine».

I realized that Krishna arranged for me in order to I can utter those words what this Shri Ram, being somewhere geographically quite elsewhere, was telling me. But I uttered his words here, by my mouth. And I heard his words with my ears, although he and I were in different places and I sat alone at home. He told me he wouldn't leave me. But this was not enough for me, because asur can be with a woman not personally. He can give her to other man, so to speak, throw her into other man, and he will be with her through the body of that other man, through distance, without contact of physical bodies, at the energy plane of existence. He doesn’t really abandon her, he is constantly with her through the body of the other man, but at the same time, he is not personally present with her.

And then Shri Ram said, «I anywhere will not throw you». In this way he told me he wouldn't throw me into other man. Because phrase «I anywhere will not throw you» doesn't sound very Russian. In Russian they usually say, «I'll never leave you». But «not throw» suggests active motion, to throw, to throw away. That is, «I anywhere will not throw you» mean «I will not send you to anyone else. I will not force you to go there. I will not impose this on you, and I will not force you to be with someone else». And this time I expressed my fears to him that I was afraid that he might meet a woman who is better than me, and that he will leave me for her. He answered me that he was afraid that I too could dump him. In response to his fears, this kitten broke into my house and I threw the kitten out the door. And then this screenshot appeared with these words from pillow`s session.

And then came another screenshot, with the words «No tricks». That is, I kind of told him, «Okay, I accept that, but without any cheating, no tricks». Because Shri Ram is asur. Asuras know how to deceive. He will say one thing, but one word has many different meanings. You will answer one meaning embedded in this word, but along with this you will give an answer to other meanings of this word. You will assent, say Yes, and he will surely get your consent for you to allow him to do what he needs.

Asuras are masters at playing on words. Asur asks a seemingly ordinary question, about the most ordinary, everyday, but at the same time he keeps in his mind his own question, which you do not hear. He wants get your permission for what he needs and what his question is about, which he keeps in his mind. He's kind of thinking, «We will crush you now. We will force you to have sex with someone and you will give us a lot of your piety. Or you will begin to masturbate, we will connect to you and get all your pious merits out of you. Thanks to these pious merits, you live well, but we will take pious merits out of you. The good that could come to you in life will not come, because we need this good. We will live a marvelous life using your pious merits, and you will live as the wretched». And this Shri Ram can easily get me to give him permission to whatever he needs.

In that way the asur keep in his mind his question to you, and through some ordinary person who has nothing to do with it, he, looking from eyes of this ordinary person at you, ask you some ordinary, banal question. And if you did not answer this question in the affirmative, you are asked another question, perhaps already through another person, and then the third question. And on one of these questions you will say «Yes». But the main question that asur kept in his mind and to which he received your positive answer was: «We will now begin to break you. You will do what we want, and we’ll pump all your pious merits out of you and enjoy you, fool. Do you agree to that?» You answered some ordinary question of an ordinary person, but actually through him some asur asked you. And this asur at that time was territorially far from you and from this ordinary person. He simply used this ordinary person to draw out from you a positive answer to his question, which was not voiced. Everything can happen through different peo

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